addictions

"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady,hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddam it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes.

So thats it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination - the complete and merciless devaluation of self".

-Elizabeth Gilbert


Sent from my iPhone

i missed you

"I missed you" 

That was it. 

Three words. 

Three words was all it took. 

And just like that, her whole world came crashing down.

The whole fort that she had been building for years fell apart along its circumference; the building bricks that she made from the shattered pieces of her heart tumbled piece by piece onto the floor. The hard cement that she made by mixing her pride and tears together was liquefied in an instant, flowing undermeath her feet like a river. Even the sturdy pillars that she built out of pain -aching constant pain that was still there after all this time....even those she watched collapse right before her eyes. 

Her whole world came crashing down. 

And in less than a split second, her pride was being washed away with tears of joy  - the same tears of joy that were washing away her pain. In less than a split second, an overwhelming sense of relief that she hasnt felt for years, made it way to the broken pieces of her heart, trying to glue them back together. 

But it wasnt that simple. The damage was too extensive this time. 

Far beyond repair. 

The pieces were too small. The tears were too big. 

The damage was too extensive. 

"7abeebty?" he asked worried. She was quiet, almost in a state of trance as far as he was concerned. He saw that in her eyes, she had gone to a world miles and miles away. But he had been gone too long now to know her well enough and know what she was thinking. 

Seeing that his voice didnt grasp her attention, he reached for her hand. 

His skin touching her sent an electric sensation that she had been longing for. Suddenly, his warmth was radiating through her skin, feeding her heart, her mind and her soul..the same soul she would have happily sold the remains of to the devil, if it would have eased the pain she went through after what he had done to it. 

And through the rush of memories that his touch brought back, through the days in the garden and nights on the beach, through sneaked kisses and hushed phonecalls, through the life that they planned together, the only thing that was vividly imprinted in her mind was, not how it never happened, but why it never happened. 

And that memory was still as fresh and as painful as the day it happened. Infact, it was so painful that his touch now felt like a broken piece of glass piercing through her palm. She looked down at her palm that was now bleeding pain, and looked back deep into his eyes...into his soul. 

She saw genuine sorrow. She saw deep regret. She saw promises of how he will rectify things. 

But shining the most brightly of all these things, she saw longing and yearning...and lots of love. An amount that she had never seen before...so much so that it was pouring out of his eyes. 

And that drew a smile on her face, as she squeezed his hand. Her smile sent an overwhelming amount of joy to his heart, which reflected as beams of hope and dreams and promises on his face. 

But only for mere seconds. 

After she squeezed his hand, she softly put it down on the table between them.

Then, she watched his puzzled face as she let go of his hand and, still smiling, got up.....and walked away.