i missed you

"I missed you" 

That was it. 

Three words. 

Three words was all it took. 

And just like that, her whole world came crashing down.

The whole fort that she had been building for years fell apart along its circumference; the building bricks that she made from the shattered pieces of her heart tumbled piece by piece onto the floor. The hard cement that she made by mixing her pride and tears together was liquefied in an instant, flowing undermeath her feet like a river. Even the sturdy pillars that she built out of pain -aching constant pain that was still there after all this time....even those she watched collapse right before her eyes. 

Her whole world came crashing down. 

And in less than a split second, her pride was being washed away with tears of joy  - the same tears of joy that were washing away her pain. In less than a split second, an overwhelming sense of relief that she hasnt felt for years, made it way to the broken pieces of her heart, trying to glue them back together. 

But it wasnt that simple. The damage was too extensive this time. 

Far beyond repair. 

The pieces were too small. The tears were too big. 

The damage was too extensive. 

"7abeebty?" he asked worried. She was quiet, almost in a state of trance as far as he was concerned. He saw that in her eyes, she had gone to a world miles and miles away. But he had been gone too long now to know her well enough and know what she was thinking. 

Seeing that his voice didnt grasp her attention, he reached for her hand. 

His skin touching her sent an electric sensation that she had been longing for. Suddenly, his warmth was radiating through her skin, feeding her heart, her mind and her soul..the same soul she would have happily sold the remains of to the devil, if it would have eased the pain she went through after what he had done to it. 

And through the rush of memories that his touch brought back, through the days in the garden and nights on the beach, through sneaked kisses and hushed phonecalls, through the life that they planned together, the only thing that was vividly imprinted in her mind was, not how it never happened, but why it never happened. 

And that memory was still as fresh and as painful as the day it happened. Infact, it was so painful that his touch now felt like a broken piece of glass piercing through her palm. She looked down at her palm that was now bleeding pain, and looked back deep into his eyes...into his soul. 

She saw genuine sorrow. She saw deep regret. She saw promises of how he will rectify things. 

But shining the most brightly of all these things, she saw longing and yearning...and lots of love. An amount that she had never seen before...so much so that it was pouring out of his eyes. 

And that drew a smile on her face, as she squeezed his hand. Her smile sent an overwhelming amount of joy to his heart, which reflected as beams of hope and dreams and promises on his face. 

But only for mere seconds. 

After she squeezed his hand, she softly put it down on the table between them.

Then, she watched his puzzled face as she let go of his hand and, still smiling, got up.....and walked away. 

december 2nd

[via postsecret.com]

"Nothing on this planet can compare to a woman's love - it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through moutains for you, no matter how you've acted out, no matter what crazy thing you've done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren't anymore words left to say, encourage you when you're at rock bottom and think there just isn't any way out, hold you in her arms when you're sick, and laugh with you when you're up. And if you're her man and that woman loves you - I mean really loves you - she will shine you up when you're dusty, encourage you when you're down, defend you even when she's not so sure you were right, and hang on to your every word, even when you're not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you're no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relatioship, she will give you her very best and even some more, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she's done to convince you she's The One isn't good enough.

That's a woman's love - it stands the test of time, logic and all circumstances"

~ to December 2nds...
NOT November 12ths


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

another him

He didnt look like him.
He didnt have the same hair.
He wasnt as tall or as dark.
He had a narrower chin and a sharper nose.

He didnt dress like him.
His shirts were much tighter and jeans much skinnier.
He biceps were much less defined and his chest less warming.

He wasnt him.

She knew it and she didnt have to look twice to confirm.

But something about him struck her as familiar....

The way he walked?
His confidence?
His Ray-Bans?

The way he smiled?
His arrogance?
His tan?

She didnt know....she just couldnt quite place her hands on it.

He wasnt him.

But was he another him?


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

perfection

Deciding to ignore all creepy-crawlies, she lay her body on the dirty sand near Shuwaikh port. The setting was far from perfect: there was a low tide, the smell of the sea was pungent and humidity filled the air. With sand in her hair, she lay facing a dusty sky that displaced the view of the moon and any stars into nothingness.

He raised an eyebrow at her, and even though she could see him from the corner of her eyes, she decided to ignore the questioning look on his face. Impressed by her impulsiveness, he lowered his body and settled next to her. With sand in his hair, he lay facing a dusty black sky that displaced the view of the moon and any stars into nothingness.

They were all alone by the beach.

Not a sound.
Not a light.
Just them and the pitch black sky in their sight.

They held hands.

She thought about their wedding and the names of their children. He thought about their house and what schools they will send their kids to.

She thought about how comfortable she was in his presence, and how she could possibly love someone so much more than herself. He thought about how relaxed he was in her company, and how he could possibly love someone so much more than himself.

"Tadreen..." he said as he turned his gaze from the sky to face her, "it doesnt get anymore perfect than this”. He squeezed her hand tighter as he looked lovingly into her eyes, “This moment...this is what perfection is"


**********


Deciding to ignore all creepy-crawlies, she lay her body on the white Bnaider sand. The setting was almost perfect: the waves hit the shore softly, the water touched the tips of their toes and there was a cool summer breeze in the air. With sand in her hair, she lay facing a beautiful starry night and a full moon.

He raised an eyebrow at her, and even though she could see him from the corner of her eyes, she decided to ignore the questioning look on his face. Impressed by her impulsiveness, he lowered his body and settled next to her. With sand in his hair, he lay facing a beautiful starry night and a full moon.

They were all alone by the beach.

Not a sound.
Not a light.
Just them and the luminous moon in their sight.

They didnt hold hands.

She thought about what the future held for her and where she would be in 10 years time. He thought about setting goals for his life and if he would ever become CEO by age 30.

She thought about how comfortable she is in his presence, even though their relationship was strictly platonic. He thought about how relaxed he was in her company, even though their relationship was strictly platonic.

"Tadreen..." he said without turning to face her, "it doesnt get anymore perfect than this”. Still looking up, he waved his hands at the stars and the bright white moon, “This moment...this is what perfection is".


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

backlight

After a very long exhausting day at work, she finally got into her room and let her laptop slide off her shoulders, feeling its thud beneath her feet when it hit the floor. She changed into her favorite fluffy pajamas, and looked at her face. Her now-running makeup was still on, but she decided against removing it. Those two minutes would be better spent sleeping.

She rummaged through her bag blindly as she walked towards the light switch, only turning it off when her phone was within her reach. She then pulled it out and made her way to her bed in the pitch black darkness, trying her best to use her sense of direction to dodge the million things lying on the floor that came her way. Even though she knew fully well that she could very easily use the phone's backlight to find her path, she chose the serenity of the darkness over the convenience of an obstacle-free walk.

When her knee finally hit the side of her bed, she ran her hand over her soft blanket and was amazed at how its fibers seemed to soothe her. Using both hands, she flipped the blanket inside-out and made the soft side face the sheets. She then slipped underneath it, not merely covering herself, but rather wrapping herself up into her blanket. Making herself feel safe. Warm. Protected.

These arent feelings one is supposed to get from a blanket, she thought to herself...

But she quickly dismissed the thought. She was tired. Exhausted. Too exhausted to even do what she does best (and always): think till it drives her...well...mad.

She closed her eyes and stretched her aching body and strained muscles. Its been a rough couple of months for her. Things have been everything but easy. Yet even this much she only enjoyed for a few seconds before remembering that she forgot to set her alarm to 6am for tomorrow. Just like every other day.

She opened her eyes quickly, but just as quickly, she realized there was really no change in the view her back of her eyelids gave her as opposed to the dark room she was now facing. Reaching for her phone, she set the alarm and placed it back on the nightstand, settling back into her position under the blanket. She watched the outline of the room as the phone's backlight reflected on it. The closet, the nightstand, the desk...everything in shades of grey.

There was only one thing missing in the room....her.

Suddenly, the backlight went off and the dawn of blackness interrupted her thoughts yet again. Maybe it was a sign that she should stop thinking? Who is she kidding? She doesnt need a sign to tell her that.

She felt the pain in her back yet again, probably telling her body that she needs to get some rest before tomorrow comes and the cycle starts all over again. She had never been happier with her extremely busy lifestyle as she was now. She had never been happier she doesnt have time for anything as she was when she realized that she doesnt have time to even think.

She closed her eyes one last time, knowing fully well that her tired body would win the battle with her over-analytic brain soon, and that it would only take her a couple of minutes to fall asleep.

She cuddled deeper into her soft blanket, once again hoping it was something else. Or possibly someone else. And thats when that last final thought made her way to her brain.

"A7ib-" she whispered and then paused. The word slipped out of her soft pink lips, surprising her. Where did that come from, she thought to herself, surprised. It must be one of those dying battles that the brain is losing for the body. Its using every last weapon to survive, including throwing in random thoughts and emotions.

And it worked, mind you. She then started thinking of, not the thought, but why it didnt come out of her mouth. Why she stopped halfway through, leaving it hanging there, flapping around like a naked chicken.

And thats when she came to the conclusion that she didnt know what she wanted to hear. Did she want to hear herself say "A7ibik"? Or did she want to hear "A7ibich" coming to her from someone else? Did she want to be loved, or did she want to be in love? Which side of the story did she want to hear, or rather, live?

What was she fantasizing about?

"I love you so much...mwaaaaaaaah" she spoke louder this time, and in English, solving the issue and not specifying the gender. Or the receiver. Or the sender. It was the body's way of shutting the brain up for the night.

And it worked. She slept peacefully that night.



Well, that and the fact that....


[LINK]