Saturday, May 23

Contrasting Realities 25

this is the fastest post i ever wrote for Contrasting Realities
i wrote it in like 3 hours only!
its not revised, its not edited, and maybe its not what you're used to...
bs its a post mn elgalb...lai darajat ena ymkn it was supposed to be on spill mo hnee ;)
i hope you like it ;**
ps: tra i have exams! very hectic! bs mn ams oo ana feeny inspiration oo weddy i write, bs kint bamoot mn elta3ab ams ;)
pps: i hate having to post knowing that love ;** mo hnee, bs this is all for the sake of Gutter Flower 3shan la t9eer mutilated more than she already is ;Pp

I opened my eyes slowly, only to be faced with blackness.

Pitch blackness.

As my brain started switching on, I realized that I had absolutely no recollection of where I was, and what time it was. I didn’t even know what day it was.

I turned onto my other side, only to be faced by a flickering light from the window overlooking the street, and a digital clock. The bold red digits read 8:47pm amidst all the blackness.

The first thing that hit me was that I had never seen this clock before in my life. For a few minutes, I struggled to remember where I was.

But soon enough, it all came back to me.


Did any of that happen, or was he a figment of my imagination?

There was only one way to find out.

I reached out to pull down the cover and reach for my shirt, only to realize that I wasn’t underneath any covers. I looked at my shirt, but I could see nothing from the darkness.

I ran my hand across my chest, feeling my shirt.

Surely enough, I could trace the outlines of the letters G, A and P on it.

So it was all true.
I fell asleep in his bed.

The realization made me spring up from the bed. My eyes were now adjusted to the blackness, and I could see the outlines of the objects in the room; the cupboard, the chair, the door, and the lights. I reached over to switch on the lights, and saw my reflection in the mirror infront of me, standing in the middle of Fahad’s room, just as I remembered it before I fell asleep.

I fixed whatever was fixable in my now half-dry hair, and headed towards the door, with only one question in my head: how long was I asleep?

I opened the door to find Fahad lying on the sofa, with his head up against its arm. He had a book plastered to his face in one of his hands and the other playing with his hair. Upon hearing the squeaking door, though, he put his book aside and looked at me. A beautiful smile made its way across his lips.

“Noum el3awafy”

“Allah y3afeek”
I said rubbing my eyes together, “Ambaih, ana shkether nemt?”

“Long enough for your coffee to go cold” he said with a wink.

“Oh…sorry about that” I said, cracking my knuckles uneasily.

“Please tell me you’re not apologizing for a cup of coffee”

“I’m not?” I said sarcastically.

He laughed.

“Gi3day gi3day allah yhadach…let me fix you something to drink. Do you like green tea?”


“I guess that makes two of us then! I’ll go make us some”

“Fahad, its okay, listen you really don’t have to–“

“Haya, Haya, Haya” he interrupted.


“Watch some TV till I come back” he said, flashing me another smile.

“Okay” I said, smiling back gratefully.

He disappeared into his little kitchen while I entertained myself with some of his books that were lying around. From the size of some of those books, I wondered if anyone was physically capable of reading them, or if they were simply there as references only.

I flipped through some of the books, until a particular one caught my attention. It had cartoons on the front cover and was titled Clinical Cardiology Made Ridiculously Simple.

Intruiged by the title, I picked up the book and flipped through its pages. The only things that made sense to me were some cute cartoons here and there. Apart from those, though, the only thing the book made me feel was ridiculously stupid. I made a mental note to add the author to my list of people to sue.

“It’s my favorite too” Fahad said, entering the room with a tray holding two white mugs.

“I wish I could agree” I said putting the book down. “So, you’re a cardiologist?”

“Trying to be one is more like it”

“Shkether bugalk?”

“I’m not counting hehe…its my first year a9lan”

“Oh…good luck with that 3ayal”

“Thanks! Much needed wallah!” he said. “Sugar?”

“Two please”

He handed me my cup, and then moved to his own.

“Can I ask you something?”


“Why cardiology?”

He looked away from my eyes towards the window, and let out a sigh. Then, he looked back to me and gave me a smile.

“It’s a long story…you got a few hours to kill?”

“Only if you’re comfortable sharing it with me”

“Agoolich shay bs promise me you wont freak out or anything?”


“Awwal mara eb 7ayaty a7es eni merta7 7g a7ad chithee…ya3ny I know I don’t even know you or anything like that, bs wallah 7ata when you were asleep all the way in the other room, I just felt…”
he trailed off, ”…merta7…madree, just…merta7”

I looked at him silently, not knowing what to say.

“Wallah ya Haya mo 8a9dy shay, please la tfhmeeny ‘3ala6 bs wallah a7es chenna my little sister is with me or something…madree…its hard to describe. Maybe its cz I’ve been living alone for so long that it feels nice to have another human being around for a change” he smiled.

“Ymkn” I smiled back.

“So allah ysalmch, bs la7tha….you cant laugh at how cheesy this will sound, ok?”

I laughed loudly.


“Ee okay…so allah ysalmch, when I was back in med school…I had a girlfriend, eli I was totally head over heels in love with her. My first ya3ny. The first girl I ever fell in love with, the first girl I ever proposed to, the first girl eli I actually saw her as om 3yali, you know?” he said, and his smile grew on his lips with every word he spoke.

“Ee fhamt 3laik”

“Fa allah ysalmch, everytime I was with her, kint killa a7e6 my head 3la her chest and just listen to her heart beating. It always fascinated me. Even though we were together for years, I never seemed to get sick of it. I could listen to it for hours”
He let out a little laugh to himself, “A9lan, lma ma kint agdar anam, kint I go to her place oo sit next to her on the sofa oo I put my head on her chest. I used to sleep like a baby on those nights” he said, now looking past me and smiling.

“That’s nice” I said, with a smile making its way to my lips.

“That was nice” he said.

I looked at him with questioning eyes, but he remained silent.

“Then what happened?”

“Nothing. We broke up” he said, and fell quiet again.


There were a few moments of silence as he sat there staring at me, yet I knew that look fully well. I could’ve been a clown that very instant and he wouldn’t have noticed the difference. I was just the figure infront of him as he was lost in his own little world.

“She had commitment issues. I loved her to pieces bs she didn’t wanna get married. She said she couldn’t see herself married. Ever” he said. “She said she wanted things like this, to stay the way they were…with no strings attached 3la golat’ha” he said, making air quotes with his fingers.

“I’m sorry to hear that”

His face lit up again.

“Oh no! Please don’t be. I couldn’t be with someone whom I had no future with. I just couldn’t do it. bs I’m glad I got out of it when I did. You know why?”


“L2ana when we broke up, I realized ena there is no such thing as love. I realized eni bs kint met3aleg feeha wayed. I realized ena what people keep talking about ena love this and love that, its simply a disease of missing someone too much. Its withdrawal symptoms of having grown too close to someone, and then not having them around anymore. Like when you’d get really close to your best friend and then lose them, or even your brother who travels abroad to study, or your favorite cousin who gets married or anything else that you’d get really attached to. Even your dog that dies one day. Nafs el e7sas. I call it 'Mukank Mbayen' syndrome.” He said with a sarcastic smile.

“T7iseen 9ij doctor, mo?” he said while rolling his eyes.

“7addik” I grinned.

He laughed loudly.

“Bs that’s not the point Haya. The point is, I realized that fairytales are just that...fairytales

I looked deep into his eyes.

“Oo tadreen how I know that Haya?”


“Lma raddait lkuwait I worked for a year before I came here, I worked with this girl. She was very nice oo wayed 3jebatny. Oo she was very open-minded, eli loo gayelha swalef 7ebny wa7ebk oo boyfriend oo girlfriend, kan 3ady 3ndha. Bs I didn’t. Dashait mn elbab oo talked to her parents. Bs 9adaf ena I was leaving then, oo it was too early to do something official, fa ma melachna or anything like that. Bs al7en we talk, oo I feel the exact same way as I did with my ex, even though I never really fell in love with her the same way, per se. 7ata lma a7acheeha al7en, ma net7echa swalef 7ub oo ‘3aram oo madree shino, bs ena nsolef about things in general ya3ny. Bs I’m just as attached to her, I cant imagine my life without her, and I know that if anything ever goes wrong with her, I’ll go through exactly what I went through with my ex, even though, like I said, I don’t love her, per se”

He looked at me.

“Do I make sense?”

“To a certain extent, yes”

“What I’m trying to say is, just because it feels right doesn’t mean it necessarily is. Oo just because things are great doesn’t mean they will necessarily remain. Oo just because you miss someone so much doesn’t mean you were in ’love’. Oo just because bad things happen doesn’t mean you have to forget them. Bl3aks, the only thing it means is that you have to learn from them. I mean, look at me, I’m basing my whole career 3la a mistake” he laughed to himself once more, “Bas its okay, because it’s a mistake that taught me all this fahma 8a9dy?”

I nodded.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, not all mistakes are bad. Sometimes you need to be shattered into pieces so you can realize how much potential there is in you when you glue it all together. After all, they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, 9a7?”

“Yea I guess”

“Sorry 9ada3tich eb swalfy oo mashakly. I don’t even know why all this came out wallah. Bs wallah erta7tlich ya Haya. There’s something about you…about your face…mashallah wayed muree7 wayed greeb 3al galb”

I blushed.

“Laa mako shay. You probably will never know how much you’ve helped me with what you said. I mean, its like you knew exactly what I was going through and what I needed to hear”

“Yea it was kinda written all over your face that I hit a nerve” he winked.

“It was?” I asked, surprised.

“Yea. Wayhich wayed mu3abir...may5esh shay hehe”

I blushed again.

“So tell me Haya, since it hasn’t killed you, what’s making you stronger?”

Tuesday, May 5

Contrasting Realities 24

This post is not only dedicated to Gutter Flower; it was written for her altogether.
I kept my end of the its time to keep yours ;Pp
For the sake of the exams and presentations I have, and for the sake of this extra extra extra long post i managed to juggle in between them ;)
yala i'm waiting for my twin to come back ;Pp
oo btw, dont expect me again for a couple of weeks =(
me got wayed exams =(

I stormed out of the store into the pouring rain and stopped midway.

What was I doing?
Where was I going?

And most importantly, who was I going to, knowing fully well that the only two people I knew in this country were in that store?

As I stood there, contemplating what to do, electricity made its way throughout my body as images of me and M7ammad kissing played in my head. And I say of me and him kissing, because I know that not pushing him away made me as guilty as it made him.

What have I done?

Betrayed 3abboud? Betrayed the only gentleman I have ever met in my life? Betrayed the one guy who never gave up on me? Betrayed the one person whose life I mean everything to?


I betrayed myself.

The realization killed me. I found myself running through the middle of the street in the pouring rain across the very few people on it. Tears were streaming down my face and thoughts were emerging into my head at the rate of 1000 thoughts per second.

What have I done?

I couldn’t think. My head felt heavy owing to all the thoughts in them. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t stop thinking either.

What have I done?

I ran and I ran and I ran till I could run no more. I only slowed down when I started getting short of breath and when I felt like I could run no more. As my steps slowed down, I felt all the pain from running with high heels shooting across my toes, my heels, my knees and my spine.

As the pain intensified, I slowly felt myself losing my balance. Trying to restore it though, I broke my heel and fell on my leg. I let out muffled scream as I felt the sharp pain of my ankle twisting underneath me.

“5araaaa! Ektemal elyom bs 5alas kil shay ektemal!” I screamed at myself loudly as I held on to my throbbing ankle, with tears still flowing down my face.

“Shely ektemal?” came a Kuwaiti accent from the man who was now on his knees from behind me.

I turned my face to look at him. He was holding an umbrella above my head and looking at me intently, with a concerned look in his dark brown eyes. He wasn’t handsome, but he had a certain charm to him. Even though his cleanly shaven face carried a stern and serious look, there was something about it that screamed out generosity and kindness.

“Laa bas mako” I tried getting up, but winced as pain shot up from my ankle.

“Kuwaity female lying on the ground on the streets of London, with bloodshot eyes, smudged makeup and tears rolling down her face heavier than this rainfall oo etgoleenly mako?”

Listening to him telling me how pathetic I looked managed to make me sob, and not just cry. I was now gasping for air as loud tears escaped my eyes.

“Shhhhhhh…” he said as he put his arms around me in a warm embrace, “bs bs 5alas kil shay lah 7al ehdy bs”

Even though I felt safe in his arms, I somehow managed to cry harder. Every tear I shed was filled with guilt and confusion, but most of all, a sense of utter loneliness and fear of what was to come next.

“Basss shhhhhhh ehdy baba…all these tears aren’t gonna solve anything…mako shay yeswa kil haldmoo3”

I don’t know how long I sat there crying in this stranger’s arms as we both sat on the street under the rain, but eventually, my tears stopped falling and my chest stopped heaving. When my breathing became more regular, I finally pulled away from him. He wiped the remaining tears off my face.

“So, do you make a habit of twisting your ankle on rainy days?”

I laughed weakly.

“I didn’t think you could smile after all that crying”

“I try not to make a habit out of it”

“Good…cz if you do, then more people like me would be catching a cold from sitting under the rain”


“Hey! I’m not complaining! How many times do you see someone you can actually relate to in distress and can offer a hand to? Though I must say, you don’t look very Kuwaity…loo mo sam3ch ga3da tet7al6amain bl3araby chan ma darait”

“I’ll try to do that more often to provide entertainment”

Awkward silence.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, ma 3araftich 3la nafsy. Ana Fahad.” He extended his hand for me to shake.

“Haya…nice to meet you and cry in your arms” I said as I shook his hand and gave him a wide smile.

“Laa oo you crack jokes when you’re upset ba3ad? Zain ya Haya…shrayech ngoom mn kil halmu6ar?”

“My ankle…”

“mmm…zain tra this is my place…” he pointed to the building I was sitting infront of, “oo I’m a doctor, fa I have all sorts of medical supplies up there…shrayech t6l3een weyay I do something about your ankle oo I fix you something warm to drink?”

Should I even be contemplating going to this complete random stranger’s place?

As if reading my thoughts, he continued “Tra you can take my word for me not being a serial killer or a rapist I promise”. He raised his pinky.

I laughed loudly.

“I’ll take that as a yes” he said grinning. He got up and his figure came into view. He was tall and had broad shoulders, but was carrying a few extra pounds. I tried holding on to him as he held out his hands for me and shifting my weight to my good leg, but stumbled and nearly fell again had he not held me.

“mmm…I guess I’m just going to have to carry you. You’re not to heavy, are you?”

I shot him a look, and was just about to open my mouth when he saved himself.

“Yuba ga3at’3ashmar ga3at’3ashmar! La yen3efes wayhech chithee…I thought you were all for making jokes and what not”

I smiled again as I put my arms around his neck and he carried me into his building and its elevator.

“So do YOU make a habit of helping girls who break their heels under the rain?”

“Naaa…only the ones who fall right infront of my eyes as I step out of my building”

“Oh! I hope eny mo m2a5retek 3la shay”

“La don’t worry…I was just going for a walk”

“In the rain?” I said as he stepped out of the elevator and reached his flat.

“Shfeech entay? I love the rain!”

“Great minds think alike”

“Zain look, ana ma ra7 agdar aba6el elbab while carrying you…shrayech you reach into elpocket mal my jacket and get the key 3shan you open it?”

I did as I was told. He pushed the door open with his leg and we stepped into a small cozy flat, with books everywhere…on the floor, on the sofa, on the dining table…everywhere.

“Excuse the mess…my exams are coming up soon”

“Excused wallah allah y3eenk…enta doctor wla student?”

“Doctor…I’m doing post-grad” he lay me down on the sofa.

“I see…allah y3eenk”

He kneeled on the floor infront of me and gently took off my shoe. Then, he started looking at my foot from different angles.


“Shino mmm? Like good mmm wla bad mmm?”

“Like mmm…” he said, looking at me sternly.

I started to worry, but stayed silent nonetheless.

“Do you realize you’re pulling the cutest puppy face right now?”

I blushed.

“Sorry tara I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, ma kan 8a9dy shay wallah…bs you should see your face”

I smiled silently.

“So back to what we were saying…” he changed the subject, “…I don’t think its anything serious; I mean, its not swollen or anything. Probably just a bruise from the fall and nothing more”

“That’s good news, 9a7?”


“Bs it still hurts like hell though…oo I cant walk 3aleha kilish”

“I’ll tell you what…I’ll wrap it up for you oo a7e6lch 3aleh painkiller ointment. That should kill the pain for a few hours till it goes away. Shrayech?”

“You’re the doctor” I winked.

He got up and walked to a cabinet near the kitchen. After fidgeting with some ointments, inhalers and pills, he finally took out a long bandage roll and a metal clips, and a white tube of ointment.

He came back to me and sat cross legged on the floor. Then, he gently took my leg into his hands. He then squeezed some ointment out of the tube onto my leg and gently started massaging it along my foot. I flinched a little as I felt the pressure of his fingers against my foot.

“May5alef its gonna hurt shwaya, only for a minute till the medication kicks in. then, you wont feel a thing”

And he was right. The next thing I knew was that the pain had disappeared completely and all I could feel was his soft palms against my ankle.

“Better?” he said when he was done.

“Oh you have no idea”

“I’ll just wrap it up for you ba3ad 3shan yray7ch m3 elpressure”

He gently, yet firmly, wrapped my ankle. When he was done, he asked me to get up and stand. When I did, I felt absolutely no pain at all.

“This is great! Its all gone! Chenna ma 9ar shay!” I said, looking down at him as he sat cross-legged on the floor.

“Its gonna be like that for the next few hours too” he smiled, and then got up on his feet. “Now that we have that fixed comes the most important part, you’re soaked. Lazem etbadleen l2ana by7ooshich cold etha you stay like this. Fa I’ll just go get you a change of clothes 3shan your clothes dry up while I fix you something to drink. Deal?”

I hesitated. It wasn’t like me to accept offers like this.

But then again, its not like I’ve ever been in this situation before.

“Fair enough”

“Make yourself at home 3ayal” he called out as he walked into his room.

I smiled as I looked around me. On the sofa next to me lay a few books. On the coffee table were two stethoscopes. Papers and notebooks were everywhere.

He came back with an oversized GAP sweatshirt and sweatpants.

“These are the only things I own that are clean and will fit you. Sorry.”

“They’re fine. Wallah I really appreciate it. You’re too kind.” I said, giving him a grateful smile.

“Yala roo7ay badlay…3ndch the room or the bathroom inside it if you wanna take a shower or something...eli yray7ch. Oo when you’re done, just give me your clothes a7e6hom bl dryer”


“Don’t mention it, shda3wa? Bs tell me…shino teshrbeen?”

I looked outside the window and saw that it still wasnt sunset.

“A cup of coffee would be great”

“Then coffee it is. Egoloonly no one can fix a cup of coffee like me, so maybe you can tell me if its all mujamalat.”

“I guess”

“Yala off you go. Take your time, don’t rush, tra ma waray shay. Oo lma t5al9een ta3aly”

I walked into his room and slowly stepped inside. It was obvious he tried to clear it up in the few minutes he was inside earlier for my sake. Even though I wasn’t looking, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

And what I saw scared me…

My hair was twirled into tangles and greasy knots all around my face. My eyeliner and mascara were practically everywhere on my face except my eyes.

And the lipstick…

The red lipstick that was all over my mouth and chin and cheek.

Seeing it there brought it all back.

I felt my eyes filling up with tears again as I started remembering what I had been successfully shoving at the back of my head since I met Fahad.

I suddenly felt cold and started shivering. I realized that my clothes were practically dripping with all the rain they had soaked up. For the first time today, I felt like I wasn’t emotionally numb.

I opted to take a shower and try to make myself look less zombie-like. I kept my mind off things during my shower by looking at Fahad’s shampoos and shower gels and smelling them at times, and by trying to keep the water away from my bandaged leg at others.

When I stepped out of the shower, I was a bit light-headed. Even though I knew it was because of the extra-hot shower I took, I knew that wasn’t the only reason. I felt exhausted. I felt weak. I felt drained.

I decided to sit down on the bed for a few minutes till the dizziness subsided, in fear of falling down and breaking my leg for real this time.

The next thing I knew was me in a deep, dreamless slumber on this stranger’s bed.