Contrasting Realities 33

ok recap saree3 ;p

haya is on a business trip with hottie snobby m7ammad in london, and because of a grudging rana (the secretary) is stuck sharing a suite with him, making her see a whole new side of him

m7ammad flirts with her chenna el3eed...3abboud calls her marra zaffha oo hung up on her ;p

layla comes to london for 2 days, but is called back to kuwait because her mother is sick. she tells haya that m7ammad has always had a thing for her, but that he was told to stay away from her.

haya is slowly falling for m7ammad...they kiss, then she freaks out and leaves the suite...m7ammad follows her and tells her he loves her blabla. the lonely-and-inlove haya decides to give him a chance to see if things would go anywhere

adry wayed kharboo6a....bas this is just to jog your memory loool ;p

i know this post is kinda slow oo mako wayed action, bas i need it to kinda 'jog' my writing too since i havent written in so long...bas it still has tiny little hints that will serve a purpose later ;)

so do enjoy! ;**

ps: mbarak 3laikom elshahar ;**

************

Wrapped around each other, we walked back to the hotel in complete silence under the pouring rain. The only thing other than our bodies that was keeping us warm was the aura of the love surrounding us. It was strange how I no longer felt sparks or butterflies, but how the peace of it all still intoxicated me.

When we walked into the hotel, we were dripping from every side. Still wrapped around each other though, we couldnt care less about the stares we got or about our squeaking footsteps on the marble floor as we headed to the elevator. Moments after we stepped inside our room, 7amood spoke with his hands still wrapped around me.

"7abeebty?"

I didnt reply.

"Haya?"

"Say it again" I turned to face him as he embraced me.

"Say what again?"

"Eni 7abeebtik"

He smiled, and softly kissed my lips. I closed my eyes and felt the rush.

"7abeebty..oo 3umry...oo 7ayaty kilaha"

I smiled shyly.

"Lazem tdish tetsaba7 oo tbadil 3shan la t6ee7 mareeth" I said, running my fingertips around his face playfully.

"7ta entay"

"Khalas 3yal netsaba7 oo we meet here for dinner again?"

"Eli yray7ich 3umry...bas I'll miss you"

"7amoood...dont be cheesy" I teased.

"I'm not wallah...I dont wanna lose a single moment of you Haya....I've waited so long for this"

"Its just a shower...la t9er daloo3" I said as I broke free from him, but he held my hand and I bounced right back to my place.

"Enzaaaaaain ana 3indy e8tera7..." he said as he brought my hand to his lips, "dam ena ana ra7 atsaba7 oo abadil, oo entay ra7 tsab7ain oo tbadleen..." his voice came down to a very low and oh-so-sexy tone, "shrayich nitsaba7 oo nbadil m3 ba3ath? Nwafir may 3al a8al" he said as he raised his eyebrow at me in amusement.

"Eglub wayhik zain" I said as I lightly punched his chest.

"You cant blame a guy for trying" he kissed my palms once more.

"Yala 7abeeby 3shan ma nimrath"

"Zain 3a6eny bosa"

"tsk"

"Hayooyaa.." he whined and gave me his puppy eyes, "yala 3ad!! Lazem shay y9aberny through my shower"

"Laa mako...dont get too used to this. I'm not that type of girl" i looked down feeling guilty, "I know this is wrong and I think my conscience was a sleep today"

"That means its still asleep for a few hours till the day ends" he whispered into my ears, "so what do you say to the shower offer?"

I gave him a death look.

"Fine fine...lets shower oo we'll discuss the conscience issue ba3dain" he said as he let me go.

"Mafeha discussion" I said as I stuck my tongue out and walked away.


I took the longest hottest shower I ever took, using my favorite shampoo and shower gel to wash both my hair and body three times. Even after I stepped out and put on my purple Juicy tracksuit, I still felt very cold. I decided to blow-dry my hair instead of letting it air dry.

A few minutes after I turned on the blowdryer, I heard knocks on my door. I turned it off to hear.

"Hala?"

"Ya3ny btkhaleeny bro7y oo btsawen sha3rich?"

"Bas ga3da anashfa mmo ga3da asawy feh shay"

"Zain ta3aly saweh eb dary" I heard a naughty tone in his voice.

"Laa mako"

Pause.

"Ok 3ayal khal9y oo ana bara. shino taben takleen?"

"Laa maby akil shay mo yo3ana"

"Ok"

Less than 10 minutes later, my hair was dry and I went to join him. He was lying on the sofa, wearing a light cotton shirt than nicely flattered his torso and sweatpants. I stood at the foot of the sofa and stared at him.

"Mn 9ijik enta?"

"Shino?"

"Mo bardan?" I said through my velevt tracksuit that was zipped all the way up to my neck. I sank inside it a little more as I spoke.

He gave me one of his happy smiles. The ones I've only seen in London, but never back in Kuwait.

"Ta3aly 3umry"

"Wain ayee?" I asked in confusion.

"Hnee" he opened his arms up to welcome me, "3la 9adry...ana adafeech"

I did as I was told and placed myself into his arms. He wrapped his strong arms around me and rubbed them against mine to warm me up. Suddenly, all the events and exhaustion of the day hit me. Layla's departure, the unbelievable rush of tangled emotions, the rain, our intoxicating kiss under the rain.

As his warmth radiated to me, I closed my eyes to take it all in.

"A7san?"

"mmm..." and that was the last thing I remembered before I drifted into deep sleep.

Contrasting Realities 32

It was a while before I heard his voice in the corridor looking for me. By that time, I was already halfway down the stairs, since I didnt have it in me to wait for the elevator. I took the stairs two steps at a time, being very careful not to trip. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I ran through the lobby, knowing very well I attracted lots of attention behind me.

Until I stepped out of the hotel.

Into the pouring rain.

Yet again, with nowhere to go.

I reckoned it was about 7pm now, but I had no phone, no watch, no wallet and no destination. And no intention of finding one either. So I just turned to my left and started walking. Not strike that, it was more like a jog. And from there on, I just kept walking, waiting for the streets to take me somewhere...anywhere.

I wish I could say I was thinking about this and that, or analyzing this and that, or feeling guilty over this and that..

but I wasnt...

I was just blank...completely blank.

No feelings, no emotions, no thoughts....

Nothing.


It was still early January, and the city was dressed in all sorts of lights from Christmas. I walked in the rain admiring their beauty, all the while amazed by how a bunch of lightbulbs could make me smile.

I wasnt sure if I was walking very slowly, or if the slow motion was all in my head, but eventually, I found myself at an intersection, and through the pouring rain I saw Hyde park across the street. Perfect, I thought to myself. It couldnt have come at a better timing. Deep down, though, I was pretty sure my subconscious dragged me here, if that was at all possible.

I crossed the very slippery streets, nearly losing my balance a few times, and ended up at the gate. Then I walked in, and made my way to my favorite place in the world: the lake.

As I passed that infamous tree struck by lightning, I muttered a silent prayer thanking God there was none today. I was glad to find that all the benches were empty, and I quickly skipped to my favorite bench next to the cafe, only to realize how stupid that was when I got there. After all, what was I expecting, that someone will beat me to it?

It was my first time in Hyde Park at night. I've been warned numerous times about how scary the place gets at night, and how its very easy to get mugged there. None of that mattered though. It was raining. It was quiet. It was peaceful.

I could hear nothing save for the sound of the rain falling on the grass and water. I could see nothing save for the rain falling on the grass and water.

It was perfect.

I took in all its serenity and tranquility, and with every breath I took I felt my heart rate slow down and I felt myself regaining composure. Slowly, the numbness started subsiding, and feelings slowly came back. I could now feel the rain trickling down my forehead from my soaked hair, and I could hear it playing melodies as it hit the lake in small and big droplets, quickly and slowly, forcefully and softly. Some falling straight from the heavens, and some off the dancing trees hanging above it. Some falling from the heavens, to the trees, to my hair, then trailing down my body and clothes, onto the floor and into the lake.

I closed my eyes and felt the connection between my body, and the lake, and the rain, and the trees, and the sky. Suddenly, a strange sense of peace dawned upon me, like nothing in the world could hurt me.

And even though I expected it to disappear as soon as I heard his voice, it didnt.

“Haya...”

Even though I didnt hear his footsteps, he didnt startled me. I didnt cry. I didnt collapse. I didnt break down. I didnt even flinch. Or turn around for that matter.

“M7ammad...”

There was a moment of silence. I could tell he was confused, thinking of what to say.

“Shga3tsawen?” He was standing still.

“Ga3da...” I spoke, once again without turning around.

“Eb hal mu6ar?” He spoke and this time, his voice grew closer as he walked towards me.

“ee”

“Mo bardana?” He was now by the bench.

“La2” I spoke as I looked out into the darkness of the lake.

He walked over and kneeled infront of me, holding my hand. He was looking into my eyes, but I was still looking ahead. I could see his baby blues lighting up the place from the corner of my eyes, but I refused to face him.

“Haya...” He brought his hand to my face, turning it towards him, “are you okay?”

He was wearing the same clothes he was earlier. He obviously left in a rush since he wasnt even wearing a jacket. His hands were trembling on my face and as he gripped my hand. His eyes were filled with emotions, so many conflicting emotions that I couldnt even comprehend, but I'm pretty sure concern made the vast majority of them. The rain was flowing down his face so vigorously, but he wasnt even blinking as it hit his face. He was just staring at me.

It was now my turn to reach for his face. I placed my palm on his face, and traced his features with my fingertips. I felt his soaked hairline, his tense temples, his dripping eyebrows, the soft corners of his eyes, his strong cheekbones, and when they got to the corner of his lips, I looked up into his eyes once again. He was looking at me with a dazed expression on his face. I could tell he was confused, and unsure of how he should react. I felt his lips tremble underneath my fingers, as he opened his mouth, but sealed it shut again, changing his mind about whatever it is that he was going to say.

I smiled.

He placed his hand on top of mine as I gently stroked his face. Then, he moved it towards his mouth and kissed the inside of my palm with his eyes closed. Even through the rain, I still felt his soft lips gently caressing my palm.

He then opened his eyes and looked up at me with his big blue eyes.

“A7ibich Haya”

I looked down again, feeling the guilt coming over.

“Haya please 6al3eny”

I didnt. So, he turned my face towards him.

“A7ibich Haya...w8asaman billah I do...wghalatich 3indy I do...oo if you give me a chance, just once chance, I promise you wont regret it. I'll treat you like a princess. No, I'll treat you like a goddess. Like the goddness that you are. I promise I'll make you the happiest girl in the world,” he spoke very quickly, like this was his last chance and he was desperately trying to squeeze in as much as he can in so little time, “oo I promise those tears you cried would be the last tears you ever cry as long as I'm with you. I promise eni a3awthech 3an all these tears. I promise I'll never make you cry. I swear Haya, just give me a chance and you'll be the happiest-” he rambled on.

Realizing he was out of breath, I placed my fingers over his lips “Shhhh...”

“Laa Haya mo shhh...I've been quiet for long enough and look where it's got me. Bas enough I cant keep it in anymore. I cant pretend watching you with someone else is okay anymore. I cant pretend watching you slipping through my fingers is okay anymore. Bas khalas Haya mani gader. I cant pretend-”

I leaned over and placed my lips on top of his, and kissed them softly. I felt him stiffen up for a few seconds, and I could feel his hesitancy. I kept my lips plastered on his until I felt him loosen up. Then, I felt his wet lips kissing me back as he cupped my face in his palms.

Feelings could not be described.

Neither could the intoxicating combination of sweat, rain and M7.



Love was in the air...or rather rain...

Contrasting Realities 31

btethb7ony, 9a7? i'm sorry...adry yabeely 6ag :s

bas wallah wallah i've been busy...so very busy

and also, sorry for not getting back to your comments in the last few posts..

bas inshallah b2ethn Allah etha Allah rad, i will be khosh bloggera from now on =D

soooo until next time...a7ibkoooooom!!

and i miss you wayed wayed wayed!! ;**

ps: oo yakhy sub7an allah elinspiration ma eyee ela 7azzat lemte7anat ;Pp

got 2 exams in the next 3 days, so ed3oly...ed3oly as much as you enjoy this post! =D

pps: ehda2 7ag nwair whom i started this (very very diffucult to write for personal reasons that you know about) post for to begin with, and wallah it just finished today...bemonasabat belated jan 9th haha ;Pp

 

**********************************

Even though I felt myself waking up slowly, I fought the urge to open my eyes. I was afraid that maybe I'd find out this was all a dream and I'd wake up alone once more...that this was simply one of my fantasies yet again. I sank deeper into what I vividly remembered was his arms, and dug my face deeper into what I vividly remembered was his chest, and inhaled what I vividly remembered was his M7.

But I kept my eyes closed.

What if this were all a dream? What would I do then?

I tried to push away all thoughts out of my head, for the more I thought, the more alert I became...and the more alert I became, the more I feared I'd wake up...which made me think even more.

And the cycle kept on going.

Until I was aware enough to recognize what I was listening to.

Lub Dub. Lub Dub. Lub Dub. Lub Dub. Lub Dub. Lub Dub.

His heartbeats. Just like I remembered them the last time they mesmerized me. Just like I remembered them the last time they kept me safe.

Then I felt his chin resting on the crown of my head. As he breathed, I felt his breath tickle the roots of my hair near my bangs, and as it fell on my forehead near my eyes.

Then I felt his fingers tracing their way across my forehead and eyebrow, moving the hair away from my eyes and securing it behind my ears. He lay his fingers there for a few moments, and I heard him whispering something, but I couldnt tell what he was saying.

I opened my eyes to find him, not staring, but gazing at me. Our eyes locked for a few seconds without a single word being spoken. I was lost in his baby blues.

“9ba7 elgumar”

I blushed in response, sinking deeper into his chest.

“You look gorgeous when you blush, you know?”

I turned into a deeper shade of crimson. So I tried to change the subject.

“What time is it?”

“Nearly 3pm”

“Wow! I've asleep for that long?”

“Yeah...I guess you were pretty beat”

“Kilish ma 7asait blwagt,” I spoke as I dug my face deeper into his chest, “ent nemt?”

“Not really”

“3yal shino sawwait?”

“I was watching you” he said his eyes locked into mine.

I looked down, feeling heat radiating out of my face.

He used his fingers to lift my chin up to look at his blue eyes again.

“Haya...”

I was melting with every syllable, every voice, every sound.

“Uhmmm?” was all I could pour out of my mouth.

“You're beautiful”

I felt myself grinning and blushing, but he wouldnt let me look down.

“Oo elmafrooth ma tist7een lma people tell you facts about yourself, ok?”

My grin grew even wider as I looked into his eyes. His eyes that were now smiling at me.

“Inshallah”

I lay my head back on his chest and inhaled his scent. I felt him running his fingers through my hair, and twirling my locks in between his fingers. Everytime he would reach the end of a lock, it would slip out of his fingers, and they would reach back to my face, tracing my forehead, my eyebrows and my ears in the process, until they reach my hairline. He would then plant a soft kiss on my forehead while wrapping a new lock of hair around his fingers, repeating the process.

We sat there for what seemed like an eternity, in total silence save for the sound of our breaths and beating hearts. Never did I feel so relaxed in someone's presence before, never mind M7ammad's. Never did I feel so safe. Never did I feel at such ease.

Even when I was with 3abboud, I was always worried about what I was doing, that maybe its wrong that I'm leading him on when deep deep deep down I knew I wasnt in love with him. But now...everything felt right.

Even though I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I had someone back home, that I should atleast give him the courtesy of ending things before I did this....even though I knew I was cheating, everything felt so right. The way his arms wrapped around me...the way his chest felt underneath my face...the way we just fit so perfectly into each other.

Everything felt so right. Like pieces of a puzzle finally...yes finally...falling together. Finally fitting completely and not just close enough....not just as good as it gets.

Everything just felt so...perfect.

My thoughts were interrupted by my stomach growling. I involuntarily wrapped it in my arms and spoke to it. “Shhhhhh!!”

He laughed.

“La teth7ak” I pouted.

“7beebty yo3ana?”

“Not really...bas I havent eaten anything since ams so I guess my tummy shway m3tartha” I tried to speak normally, pretending the 7beebty part didnt sweep me off my feet.

“Yallah 3ayal lets go eat...oh my God its 6 already” he said, trying to get up. But I pushed him back down.

“Maby”

“Shfeech hayooya?” He was concerned.

“Maby...i just wanna sit here...with you...like this...maby agom...maby at7arak” The words all came out of my mouth at one go before I had any chance to stop them. I realized what I said only after they did. By then it was too late.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!

Embarrassed, I quickly got off his chest. Only this time he was the one who pulled me back down to him, our faces inches apart.

“3yal why are you leaving me?” he said, looking me straight in the eye.

I avoided his question as well as his gaze.

“Haya” he said, tilting my chin in his direction. I didnt know if I froze or melted everytime he touched me.

“I'm in love with you”

Goosebumps?

Electricity?

Butterfulies?

I dont know...

But what I do know is that all I read in romantic novels and all I saw in movies all this time was nothing....nothing...compared to how this felt.

I didnt realize I had closed my eyes while listening to his words until I felt his lips on my cheeks. So warm, so soft, so...right.

I opened my eyes to find him gazing into my soul once more.

“A7ibich Haya...I do”

I felt light-headed as he spoke. I felt like I was floating...like I was walking on clouds...like nothing could bring me down.

Then I knew what was going to happen.

Then I knew that I had no power to stop it.

Then I knew I wanted it just as badly as he did.

Then I saw him looking it my lips.

Then I saw him leaning closer to me.

Then I felt his lips falling ever so softly on mine.

Then I felt that rush going through my body as I kissed him back.

The same rush that woke my conscience up.

I pulled my lips away from his and stood up so abruptly that I nearly fell back on him.

“M7ammad...magdar...i cant...i cant...im so sorry...bas wallah I cant...this is wrong...3abboud...magdar...m7ammad magdar wallah magdar im so sorry”

I rambled on through my tears and in less than a split second I was outside the room and running through the corridor as fast as I could.

Contrasting Realities 30

“Allllll byyyyyy myselffffffffffff....la laaaaa la laaaaaaaa”

Even though I wasnt looking at him, I could see him looking at me with questioning eyes from the corner of my eyes.

I ignored.

“ALLLLLLLLL BYYYYYYYY MYYYYYSEEEEEEEEEELF”

I started again the moment he looked away from me. Naturally, he turned back the moment he heard my voice.

“LAAAA LAAAAA LAAAAAA LAAAAAAA”

I continued singing, knowing fully well I was out of rhythm. And lyrics, mind you.

I saw him smiling from the corner of my eyes.

I ignored.

“AAAAAALLLLLLLL BYYYYYYY MYYYYYY SEEEEEEEEEEEELF”

He laughed out loud.

I stopped abruptly in the middle of the airport.

“Is something funny?”

“No...nothing” he spoke trying to contain his giggles.

“Laa chenk ga3teth7ak”

“I'm...” he chuckled, then stopped and cleared his throat “...not”

“ee 3abaly ba3ad”

I started walking again, making my way towards the exit of the airport. We had just dropped Laila off to the gate, and after an Oscar-worthy display of emotion with full blown hugs and tears, there was only one thing I was feeling.

I felt alone.

I felt utterly, completely and heart-breakingly alone.

Even though she only stayed for a couple of days, her presence changed my spirits in so many ways. I felt like, for once, I could actually talk to someone about how I'm feeling and, most importantly, I could talk without any restrictions and without any rules.

And now she was gone. And here I am, doing what I do best.

Being alone.

I suddenly felt his warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find that I had stopped walking and was standing in the middle of the airport looking down at my intertwined fingers.

“Haya, are you okay?”

His eyes were filled with concern, his voice filled with care and his touch filled with warmth.

But suddenly, all I felt was an overwhelming emotion of how much I missed 3abboud. My baby. My guardian angel. My 3abboudy.

I smiled to myself, then looked up, smiling to M7ammad. I could feel my smile growing wider, and I could swear I saw the twinkle in my eyes.

“I'm fine, ” I spoke through my wide grin, running my hand through my bag in search for my phone. ”I just need to make a phone call. Ent go ahead and get us a cab, oo I'll catch up with you by that time”

“Ummm...ee sure” he said, and turned around to walk away. I felt the pain in his voice, and even though I felt bad, I didnt regret my decision. I needed to speak to 3abboudy and I needed to speak to him now. It suddenly hit me that I havent heard his voice in a few days now, that I've been sleeping without him wishing me a beautiful night, that I've been waking up to him without smiling after reading his message wishing me a lovely morning, that I havent heard his smile when I call him and he picks up the phone, that I havent seen him...

Stepping all over my pride and dignity, I scrolled to his name on my phone and pressed the Dial button.

It rang. And rang. And rang. And rang.

Until it got disconnected.

Thats weird, I thought to myself. 3abboud never ever leaves his phone.

I called once again.

It rang. And rang. And rang. And rang.

Until it got disconnected.

That's really strange. I looked at my watch, which read 5am, meaning that it was 8am back in Kuwait. He should either be in work or headed to work right now. Where the hell was he? Why isnt he answering?

I called one last time. They say third is a charm.

It rang. And rang. And rang. And rang.

Until it got disconnected.

Now, I was getting worried. I was thinking of all sorts of scenarios and all sorts of things that could have gone wrong. Maybe something happened to him, which is why he hasnt been calling me for the past few days. That would explain why neither of my parents mentioned him when I called them, and why khalty never called me since I got here. After all, I've seen with my own eyes with Laila's situation how these things happen in a split second.

Knowing fully well that she would be fast asleep right now, I called my mother nontheless.

“Alooo” her sleepy voice came through the speaker.

“Hala yuma shlonich?”

“Hala Haya 7beebty shlonich 7abeebty? What time is it?”

“Tamam mama, ” I ignored the second half of her question, “yuma 3abboud shakhbarah?”

“Wallah za3lan 3laich hayooya. Ams marna oo 7abeeby kan wayed m7ateech l2ana ma yadry 3anich shay since you left, bas b3dain lma geltla enich dagaity 3ly oo kilshay tamam, wayed kan methayag oo 7az ebkha6ra, bas ana 7awalt ahadeeh oo-”

Then the line went dead, and my phone gave me a Call Failed error message.

Is that what it was all about? He's ignoring me? Giving me a taste of my own medicine ya3ny? Yetsharah?

Somehow in a split second, all the emotions I was feeling earlier got channeled into something different. A lot of disappointment. A lot of anger.

And, dare I say, a lot of hate?

I never called my mother back, but instead I walked with very fast steps towards the exit. With so much fury in my head, I could barely see infront of me. My eyes frantically searched for M7ammad amongst lots of people and cars until I finally spotted him, waving his hand frantically in the air and stopping a taxi. I walked in his direction as fast as I could without actually jogging.

He turned just in time to see me behind him.

“You have excellent timing” he said, as he opened the door for me. I sat in the back of the taxi, while he sat next to the driver. M7ammad fell asleep throughout the 20 minute drive, despite the rain pouring outside.

I woke him up when we arrived. He insisted on paying the taxi driver, and then we headed to our suite in silence. He unlocked the door and lead me in first. I threw myself on the sofa out of physical and mental exhaustion, since I stayed up all night with Laila. I sunk in the sofa and stared into the TV screen that wasn't even switched on.

“Haya ana bamot mn elta3ab so I'll go sleep for a few hours” he said, standing next to the fridge with a bottle of water in his hand.

I stayed silent, because I was too engulfed in my own thoughts to say anything. Come to think about it, I dont even think I was thinking. I was just....blank.

I heard him sigh.

“T9b7een 3la khair” he said, and I could hear his shuffling steps headed towards his room.

I only spoke when I heard him open his door.

“M7ammad?”

“Hala?”

I spoke after a long pause.

“I need a hug...please” I spoke, and I heard my voice breaking towards the end of that sentence.

I heard him rush to the sofa where I was. He sat next to me as I sat there, completely immobile. He then wrapped his arms around me, and crushed me against his chest. I could instantly smell his M7 and his cigarettes, more intensely than I ever did before. I took in a deep breath and with it, I felt his warmth and his care, and most importantly, his love.

I started crying.

“Haya shfeech”

I cried harder.

“Haya laish ga3tabcheen baba?”

I felt him try to push me away to look at me but I held him tighter and dug my face deeper into his chest, with my tears soaking his shirt.

“Shhhhhh....bas baba bas 3awarty galby bas khalas...tukfain calm down”

I cried and cried and cried, till I could cry no more. He held me so tightly, comforting me, and trying to calm me down as much as he could. He rubbed my back and stroked my hair until I calmed down, with my face till dug in his chest. I didnt want to let go of him.

Even though I had stopped crying, I was still gasping for air. As my breathing became more regular and less noisy, I could hear his heart beating within his chest underneath my ears. The more I calmed down, the clearer and more regular it became. I heard every beat of his heart, and felt the pump of blood with every pulse. I felt protected. I felt safe.

Listening to his heart beats with my face on his chest, I fell asleep in his arms.

Contrasting Realities 29

“Aloo, hala 7beeby...5air...gool wallah...a7madoo e7lef...a7madoo you're not just saying this...ya3ny she's better?”

She fell silent while holding the phone as tears rolled down her face.

“Haa?...ee ee kany...a7madoo I cant believe this...wallah el3atheem etha raddait oo I found out enk bs ga3tge9 3ly mara7 asam7k abadan...ee 7amood booked me a flight for tomorrow morning, I leave here at 6am inshallah...ok 7beeby 5alas ashoofk bacher 3ayal, deer balek 3aleha a7madoo...7beeby enta...m3asalama”

She hung up and put the phone down, and turned to me, with her tears still on her face. Then, out of the blue, she jumped over the bed and onto me, holding me in the tightest embrace one could think possible that I fell back on the bed owing to its force.

“A7ibch Hayooya a7ibch wallah el3atheem a7ibch!!” she spoke in between kisses all over my cheeks, while still holding me. “You're my good luck charm...you're my best luck charm”

“Ya ba3ad 3umry entay” I hugged her back tighter and kissed her back, “she's better now?”

“6la3at mn el3enaya elmurakaza oo the doctor says she's in a stable condition”

“El7amdella....7amdella 3la salamat'ha 7beebty”

“Allah ysalmch galby...allah ysalmch” she said hugging me tighter. Just when I thought I couldn't breathe anymore, she suddenly let go of me and stood up. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!! 5al a6amen 7amood...mskeen 7beeby ga3ya7ty wayed! Wa3alayah elyom he tolerated my mental breakdown oo ana enfajart eb wayha oo oho mala sheghl” she pouted.

“Yala 3ayal roo7ay 6amneeh”

“Mara7 tyeen?”

“Haa? Erm...la2 bansede7 shway ta3bana...I had a really long day” I said as I sat down on the bed.

She came and sat down next to me, studying my face for a few moments. I avoided eye contact, but then again, she didn't need rocket science to figure out something was wrong.

“Haya...what happened elyom?”

“Ma9ar shay...I just needed sometime alone fa meshait 3ankom shway”

She sighed loudly and laughed a little.

“You really dont know how see-through you are, do you?”

I blushed.

“Haya 7abeebty mn el2a5er, I know something happened with you and M7ammad and I know you wouldn't just leave like that unless that something was huge”

I stayed quiet.

“Haya look at me” she said, turning my face towards her, “ana bagoolich something that I've been keeping from you for a while now, bs I think now is the right time for you to know it”

I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

“Hayooya when you first came to the company, I came to know you oo we really hit it off. Even though I didn't know you very well, bs you struck me as a pure innocent soul with a beautiful heart...wa7da kil dinyat'ha mn elgalb..mat3arf ghesh wla hypocrisy nafs elnas hal ayyam...which is why I loved you...which is why I still love you”

I smiled.

“Tathkreen awal meeting 7atharteeh blshareka? Awal mara I talked to you”

“How can I forget it?”

“Tell me what do you remember about that meeting”

“Athker it was my first week blshareka...oo Dr. Nasser asked me to attend l2ana they were discussing a new proposal for a new theme for the company...ya7laila he was so enthusiastic about me joining the marketing team, he actually told me that I had to report back to him personally after the meeting and not the marketing team, and then he would personally take what I had to say into consideration and weigh it against what they had to say” I smiled back at the memory.

“Tathkreen bethabt shino 9ar youm elmeeting?”

“Yeah...athkr Dr. Nasser told me about the meeting after it started...oo I had to walk in into the room infront of all of you guys oo ma kint a3arf wla a7ad minkom back them, oo infront of the people from the two advertising companies responsible for the rebranding...ambaih shino kanat fashla” I smiled and hid my face in embarrassment.

“Tathkreen shino 9ar awal ma ba6alty elbab oo dashaity elghurfa?”

I cringed at the thought.

“Yeah”

“Shino 9ar Haya?”

“Nothing important really” I said, looking away.

She turned me to face her once more.

“Shino 9ar Haya?”

I sighed.

“Athker awal ma dashait, someone was heading to the light switch next to the door to switch the lights off since they were just about to start with the presentations. Athker I paused at the door for a second, as everyone in the room looked up, to take a look at the idiot who had enough guts to walk into the room half an hour after the meeting started,” I smiled as I remembered, “athker wahy 9ar a7maaaaar mn kithr ma kint metfashla, oo how everyone was just staring at me, waiting to see what my next move will be. Athker I stood there contemplating leaving, not only the meeting and the company, bs this whole country mn kithr elfashla. Athker ench asharteely to come to the only remaining seat next to you. Athker ena the only two people who werent looking at me were A7mad raylich oo M7ammad because they were too busy chatting amongst each other at madree shino...oo athker when they looked up...” and I fell silent again.

“Esh9ar Haya?” she squeezed my hand tighter.

“Athker how when they finally noticed that the room fell silent, they looked up. Athker how M7ammad took a sip of water as he was turning his head, and then how he choked on it when he saw me. I never felt so...so...so...repulsive in my life. Athker how A7mad had to hit him on his back to get him to breathe again, and how when he finally did, he took a look at me from head to toe, and then looked away disgustedly-”

“Disgustedly?” she inquired.

“Disgustedly” I repeated.

She smiled to herself. “Kamlay”

“G3adt yamich through the meeting oo I remember that you just had this motherly aura around you. You kept asking me if I was alright and if I needed anything unlike certain other people who never even bothered looking my way twice again hehe” I rolled my eyes with a smile on my lips, “Athker how you invited me to your office later that day, and you helped me with my notes and what to do. And I vividly remember that the conversation drifted into lots of things that had nothing to do with work in the process”

“We talked about you and 3abboud and your career in economics and your favorite movies hehe”

“Yeah” I said with a smile.

“Haya...et3arfeen ana ma3arf alf wadoor 9a7?”

I look at her with questioning eyes, “ee”

“Fa ana bagoolich what I have point blank and straight to the point oo entay try to absorb as much of it as you can, ok?”

I gulped and tried to clear my throat, “okay”

“Haya, that day lama M7ammad saw you in the meeting, he was so mesmerized by you and your presence that he chocked on his water. He wasnt laughing at you. If you were sitting next to him like A7mad was, you would've heard him gasp for air. You took his breath away, literally. Oo A7madoo feham exactly what had happened, thats why he hit him on his back to try and diffuse the situation l2ana he knew ena M7ammad kan mtane7 oo was gonna embarrass himself and you infront of everyone.”

I was staring at her with a jaw dropped and eyes wide open. She acknowledged my shock and continued talking.

“When the meeting was over, athker A7madoo oo 7amood yaw oo A7madoo gal sheftay hatha l7mar shlon bugha yafth7 nafsa elyom...oo ana lma the7akt, 7amood looked me dead in the eyes and said Layla...abeeha. When you came over to my office later, te3amadt as2lch 3n your love life oo chithy, oo lama geltelty 3n 3abboud and how happy you were with him, gelt 7ag 7amood wa5er 3anha she's taken. 6Ab3an ma 3ajba elkalam awal shay oo swalef laish they're not even official oo I deserve a chance just like him oo I'll treat her right too, A7madoo gala 7amood, leave the girl alone, its either us or her, oo you choose”

My jawline continued its descent.

“He picked us 6ab3an. He decided not to pursue you. Bldawam he kept things professional, bs still, he saw how nice you were around people and you kept getting to him simply by being who you are. The sweet, independent woman that always gives people the benefit of the doubt. It drove him crazy. He couldnt handle you being nice to him all the time. And thats when he decided he doesnt want you to give him the benefit of the doubt anymore”

She took a deep breath and continued.

“You see, 7amood was never a player. He fell in love mara, and she cheated on him. And it was only then that he started playing around, l2ana to him all women were the same. And he knew exactly how to keep it on the down low. Bs he wanted you to hate him, to despise him, to never even consider the possibility of being with him, and thats why he decided to play around with elbanat eli blshareka, and thats why you started hearing about him being a player and all. It was easier for him to be away from you when he knew you hated him”

She squeezed my hand tighter and then looked me straight in the eye.

“I know we had no right to tell him what to do, and that, in a way, that was us interfering in your life, but me and A7madoo know 7amood very well, and we knew he was a player. We thought you were just his new thing, and we didnt want him to ruin your relationship with 3abboud over one of his games. If we thought it would go somewhere, then it would've been okay, but we know 7amood too well. He just wants what he cant have. And he couldnt have you...thats why he wants you so bad.”

I took my palm out of hers and ran my fingers through my hair nervously, trying to absorb what's being said. Anything...a sentence...a word...a thought....but nothing went through. It felt like my brain had shut down.

“I'm sorry Haya, bs wallah, I just wanted whats best for you”

I snapped back to reality.

“Enzain la7tha...you said you told him to back off, but what the hell has he been doing for the past few days?”

She took a deep breath.

“Hayooya, ma la7ath'tay ena M7ammad has been acting strange since I got here?”

“ee...wayed...a9lan kil dgeega ebmood...i'm starting to think ena fee enfe9am sha59eya”

She smiled.

“Mn 9ijji Lilly!! Try to convince me ena his actions are normal or rational!!”

She winked at me “I wasnt gonna try babe”

“Seeeeeeee?”

“Hayooya gabl la tamshoon I warned M7ammad ena he behaves. Geltla wallah etha sm3at'ha teshteky mnk, mara7 y9er 5air kilish. Oo he was okay with it, until...” she stopped.

“Until shino Layla?” curiousity was killing me.

“Until you passed out. Until you both got stuck sharing the same suite. Athker he called me up quite a few times and he's like Layla many gader at7amal the situation, she's so close to me and yet so far away. He would tell me about every little thing you would do, from the way you looked at him when you were upset, to the way you looked when you were asleep. He was getting so attached to you. He even considered coming back here and cutting the trip short. When I pleaded him for Dr. Nasser's sake, he was still hesitant and wanted to come back, but when I told him that him leaving means you alone in this country, he couldnt do it. He couldnt leave you Haya. He was falling in love with you and I saw it with my own eyes when I got here. It wasnt just about him wanting you anymore. He was falling for you.”

I felt like the Japanese after they were hit with the Hiroshima bomb.

“When I came back, he was trying to behave as much as he could jeddamy. I saw him a few times oo zaffaita...until you told me about 3abboud. Lama gelteely ena you're both met'hawsheen, 7asaitich you're not happy, 7asait ena 7az eb5a6rch ena ma s2al 3anncih wla 7ata ye6aman 3laich...o that day kint ga3da asolef m3 M7ammad and he was talking to me about you and how he wished he had met you earlier, before 3abboud...and I just told him to go for it. I figured right now, he has a chance fair and square against him, o bema ena 3abboud ghala6, ymkn 7amood treats you better fahma?”

I suddenly felt a wave of rage run through my spine, yet I spoke as calm as can be.

“Lilly you know I love you, 9a7?”

“Ofcourse I do”

“But that gives you absolutely no right to run my life for me or make decisions on my behalf. I think I'm old enough to do that for myself ya3ny”

“Haya it wasnt like that, la tefhemeeny ghala6. I was-”

“Whatever it is that you were trying to do, this was the end result. And thats just not acceptable Layla”

She fell silent for a few moments.

“I'm sorry Haya”

It was amazing how one little word...how one little apology seemed to make it all go away. Even though the problem still remained and wasnt lessened by her apology in any form or way, I felt a load falling off my chest and I felt like I could...breathe.

I turned my head towards her with a smile. A smile loaded with confusion and choking emotions.
“Shasawy eb 3umry ana al7en?” I said with my eyes fixed on hers.

“T7ebena?”

“Madry” I said, looking away from her eyes at the our intertwined hands.

She took her hand and moved my chin towards her, allowing me to once again lock eyes with her.

“There's your answer” she said with a smile.

I was confused.

“How?”

“Ma se2alteny who I meant, which means you are considering possibility, which means you see some potential bl athwal eli bara"

“I'm not so sure thats a good thing you know”

“Wa3asa an takraho shay2an wahowa khayron lakom”

“Wane3ma bellah” I sighed.

“Haya” she looked at me sternly, “7amood is a good guy. Deep inside he is, wallah he is. He's just human, 7ala 7alna, makes mistakes. Ymkn his mistakes akbar wala a8wa wala wala wala...but that doesnt make him a bad person deep down. He's a great guy...he just needs to...you know...find that person to make him settle down. Kila agola ent eli bta5thk omha da3ya 3aleha oo yred 3ly...laa ana etha khathait wa7da wallah ya Lilly wallah omha da3yatlaha...and even though I laugh it off...I believe him Haya”

“Etha kan 7amood a great guy deep down, 3abboud is a great guy inside out Lilly”

“Adry 7abeebty, and thats your dilemma”

“I dont want to be cheating on him Lilly. He deserves better than him. And I dont wanna break his heart either”

“Tabeen raye?”

“Laa 9arly sena talking to you about it bs habal” I remarked sarcastically.

“Give them both a chance. Find out what kind of person 7amood is and whether he's serious or not while setting your limits, without betraying 3abboud's trust. You have a few more days here, so see how things go”

“I'm considering another guy Lilly, ay betraying his trust ay ba6ee5?!”

“Haya na9eebich is na9eebich...etha 7amood yours, he will be yours gha9ban 3anich entay oo 3abboud, oo etha 3abboud yours, then nothing 7amood will do can change that. Tra kil hatha maktob 3nd rabbich since you were 3 months old eb ba6n omich. You know ena whatever happens, whichever way things go, na9eebich byech, 9a7?”

“9a7”

Contrasting Realities 28

I opened the door to be faced by an empty room, save for Layla’s suitcase sitting on top of her bed and a couple of shopping bags laying around it. I stepped into the room to look for Layla, only to realize that she was in the bathroom. Moments later, she stepped out.

To say that her face was achromatic would be an understatement.

When she saw me, her eyes instantly filled up with tears, just like mine.

“Haya” her voice broke as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

“My Lilly” I felt my own tears rolling down my face as I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. She placed her head on my shoulders and I felt the warmth of her tears on it as I heard her gasp for air. I held her tighter and patted her hair and back.

“Shhhhh…bas galby bas bachy”

“Haya she’s in the hospital oo ana mo weyaha…what kind of daughter does that make me?”

“Lilly galby 3umry…there was no way you could’ve known this would happen”

“Ee bs that doesn’t matter! She’s there now oo ana hnee oo ehya broo7ha” she said in between sobs.

“Baby Lilly don’t blame yourself for this…hathy mashee2at rabbich”

“I should be there Haya I should be there” she gasped loudly, “eli eli….eli 7ata lma they called and told me and I figured I had to go back, I couldn’t go back empty handed and I went and bought her the things eli wa9atny 3laihom” and she broke down into my arms as she lost her balance. I supported her till I got her to lie down on the bed.

Placing her head on my thigh, I sat stroking her hair and calming her down for what seemed like an eternity. I only realized that she had fallen asleep when she had stopped sobbing, yet her gasps for air continued even as she lay asleep on my thigh. I looked at her, and it just...it just broke my heart to see her like this.

The worst feeling in the world is to watch someone you love in pain, and realizing that there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

My thoughts were interrupted by Layla's ringing phone. She immediately sprang up from the bed and, in a split second, was halfway across the room, picking it up from the nightstand. After taking a look at the name flashing across the screen, she took a deep breath, let it out and then answered.

Contrasting Realities 27

I promised a post within a week, and sure enough i started writing, bs...erm...there was a slight complication...
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ELPOST MO RATHY Y5ALE9!!!

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im now on page 13, oo im nowhere near done lol!

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oo elmshkela ena 9ar wayed, fa its become confusing when i wanna go back and alter or change something =\

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fa i decided i'll start posting it in little parts instead of duf3a wa7da 3shan a6al3a mn my head cz i keep overthinking things when its unpublished!

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VERY short adry...bs i promised a post within a week, and here it is =D

-

**********************************

I got into the elevator and went up to our suite. Before slipping my key-card into its slot, I tried to listen by the door and find out if anyone was in there, but I heard nothing. I cursed under my breath when the key-card gave me a red light, and swiped it a second time. I felt the handle give way and I pushed the door open, walking into the suite.

M7ammad was standing next to the sofa with a bewildered expression on his face and the remote control in his hand. His face was drained of color, and exhaustion filled his eyes.

Oh, how I missed those piercing baby blues…

There were a few minutes of awkward silence as we both stared at each other blankly.

The tension was growing. The longer I looked into his eyes, the more I felt uneasy, and the longer the silence lingered on, the bigger the lump in my throat grew.

Memories started coming back to me. Guilt started coming back to me. Tears started coming back to me. I decided to break the silence to stop myself from crying.

“Elsalam”

“W3ailakom elsalam walra7mah”

A loud thump came from the direction of my room. I turned my head to look at the closed door for a few moments before I turned back to him.

“Layla da5el?”

“Ee…” he paused hesitantly, “…umm…she’s packing”

“SHINO?!” I spoke, not realizing how loud my voice would come out.

“Umm…daggaw 3laiha mn lkuwait…galoolha her mother 6ay7a mareetha oo nayma blmustashfa”

I stared back at him, speechless and expressionless.

Another loud thump came back from my room, snapping me back to reality. I turned and started walking towards the room.

“Haya?” he called out my name as I walked away.

I turned around to look at him and was faced by a dubious M7ammad.

“Erm…listen…erm…you know…about ummm….you know,” he paused, “erm…earlier –“, he spoke while fidgeting with his fingers, not once making eye contact with me.

“M7ammad,” I interrupted him as he looked up at me questioningly, “mo wagta al7en hal7achy” and I left him standing in the middle of the room as I walked away from him.

Contrasting Realities 26

For some reason, this post proved itself very very very challenging to write.

.

I have no idea laish, bs I've been trying to write it for more than a week now...oo I have 9 different versions of it...kil mara i write it up all from scratch oo a5er shay ma ya3jebny. I dont know if its because I havent written for so long, or because I'm lacking inspiration given I've just finished my exams or what...

.

Fa a5er shay I decided to publish the very first draft I wrote 3la bo ena it was the closest to the heart oo it was the easiet to write, l2ana i seriously need to get this part out of my system cz its driving me crazy and making me hate the story cz I'm stuck on it and I've been writing it for so long eli BAAAAAAAAS!!

.

soooo,

I shall be sitting here crossing my fingers and hoping that you guys will like it =)

.

Tadroon ena I've missed you guys terribly, 9a7? ;**

.

ps: wain Gutter Flower? Eli y3aref 3anha shay, please 5ay6ameny ena she's alright...I'm worried sick about her =\

.
**********************************

It was now my turn to sigh deeply, and turn to him with a smile.

“Do you have a few hours to spare?”

“Does it look like I have anything better to do?”

I looked at the books lying on the floor.

“Is that a trick question?” I asked sarcastically, while raising an eyebrow.

He laughed.

“I have ALOT of hours to spare, trust me” he said, flashing me another one of his warm smiles.

“Enzain” I paused, “I must tell you though, I’ve never really talked to anyone about how I feel or anything, so I’m not exactly sure how that goes and I'm pretty sure ena with my feelings all over the place I'm gonna end up sounding like a messed up psycho to you…bs somehow, it feels alright pouring my heart out to you for some reason.”

“Stop copying me and start speaking” he said, giving me a wink.

“Enzain”

I fell silent again.

“Where do I start?”

“From the beginning dear”

“mmm…”

I contemplated my own thoughts…where is the beginning?

“Allah ysamlk, I’ve been with this guy for a couple of months now. He’s a family friend oo I’ve known him since we were kids. He’s a very decent guy, a true gentleman ya3ny. Oo he loves me more than the world oo eli feeha”

“5osh”

“I always thought I loved him. Even though I’ve never had that rush when I’m around him, oo maybe even at one point thought of him as a brother and nothing more, I always thought ena maybe these things come after marriage or whatever. Madree ya3ny. Bs the thing is, he’s perfect…mo nag9a shay l9bay. He’s mo7taram oo my parents love him oo his parents love me…oo like I said he’s crazy about me, ya3ny shayelny mn 3al arth shail…fa I’ve always convinced myself ena this is as perfect as things ever get…after all what more can I ask for? A9lan maly 3ain I ask for anything more, fahemny?”

“Yea”

As I started organizing my thoughts into the next part of my tale, I sighed deeply. This was it. This was the confession. When these words come out of my mouth, I will no longer be able to deny anything I’ve been feeling, or anything I’ve been witnessing…

Or anything I’ve been hiding…mostly from myself.

“Kamlay” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

I sighed one more time.

“Allah ysalmk, there was this guy at work. No3a eli bad boy 3araft. Sum3eta mo shay kilish oo ma3roof 3anna he’s a player. He’s hot stuff, don’t get me wrong, bs eli he’s not used to not getting his own way, you know?”

He nodded.

“Ana lma re7t dawamy, I was already with hathak the other guy, bs somehow this guy from work, he always kinda pulled me in. I was always drawn to him somehow. Bs because of his attitude and because of what I’ve heard about him, I’ve always kept my distance from him, even though he was nothing but a perfect gentleman with me oo 3umra ma he showed ena he was interested in me or anything, bs I always figured better safe than sorry, you know?”

“Yea I know what you mean”

“7elo. Fa this guy came with me to London on this business trip. Shit kinda happened, fa we’ve been living together for the past few days, sharing a hotel suite. Fa I’ve been interacting with him in these two days more than I’ve interacted with him in my entire career in my company, l2ana like I’ve said, I’ve always been keeping my distance from him bl dawam”

“Okay”

“Fa I’ve been seeing all these new sides of him that I never really saw before. The fact that he really is a gentleman oo not a complete asshole like I always thought he was. The fact that we get along very well. The fact that I enjoy his company…and most importantly, the fact that he’s…drawn to me”

I paused for a moment.

“I’ve been feeling all sorts of mixed up feelings...and even convinced myself that I was in denial and that I was seeing things that weren’t there until today…a few minutes, possibly even hours before I met you”

“Esh9ar?”

I smiled, thinking back of how passionately M7ammad was kissing me.

“He kinda kissed me…and so effectively, removing any doubts and denials that were piling up in my head that I was overanalyzing things. Basically, now I’m sure he has a thing for me”

Just as he was about to speak, I spoke before him. Excitedly.

Because it only hit me when I said it out loud.

“But the thing is…he made me realize that I was missing out on that rush I was telling you about. That you’re heart is supposed to beat faster. That you are supposed to feel nervous. That butterflies in your tummy are a good thing. He made me realize that I have feelings for him…and most importantly, he made me realize that I don’t have those same feelings for the guy back home, fahemny?”

“I think so”

“And honestly, the realization of all this is just throwing me all over the place. I don’t know how to react to the way I’m feeling, and most importantly, I don’t know what to do with this realization. Egoloon ignorance is bliss, mo?”

“Yeah hehe”

“Oo bas…salamtk”


Silence.

Silence.

Silence.


“Feedback would be nice, you know”

“I’m thinking…it’s a tough situation”

“You don’t have to tell me about it”

I looked at him for a few minutes as he sat there, apparently thinking about my situation.

“You know its bad when even a stranger who doesn’t know shisalfa is confused” I teased.

Another laugh.

“I love how you’re taking this so light-heartedly wallah”

“Light-heartedly? I would’ve forgiven that for anyone who hasn’t seen me a couple of hours ago...bs you?” I teased again.

“Shofay Haya. As far as I can see, you’re attracted to this London guy, but entay bs t3ezeen the guy back home. Ymkn you didn’t get that rush with the Kuwait guy l2ana you knew him all your life oo like you said, he went through your family and what not, fa ma kan fee majal e9eer sparks per se. Oo ymkn the only reason that you’re liking the London guy is that he’s offering you exactly what was missing from your relationship with the Kuwait guy, fahmatny?”

“I think so”

“Fa essentially what that means is that wala wa7ed menhom ferag 3an elthany…l2ana al7en YOU’RE confused about your own feeling. 9ij ena the first guy is all decent and what not, bs are you willing to accept that if there are no sparks? Oo ymkn the second guy is sparks all over the place, are you willing to accept the fact that he isn’t offering you any commitments? Bs then again ared wagoolich, ymkn there will eventually be sparks with the first guy, and ymkn the second guy will straighten up once he commits oo ymkn he’d be willing to commit for you, fahmatny?”

“Let’s pretend I am”

He laughed.

“My point is, you need to confront the second guy and have a serious talk with him…oo ymkn mn 7esn 7athich ena the two of you are here bro7kom stuck in the same suite all the time so something like this would be easier to approach than if you were back in Kuwait. Oo nafs ma geltlch gabl, just because something seems so right doesn’t necessarily mean it is. Oo just because you have ‘feelings’ for someone doesn’t infact mean…anything really…you can learn to ‘love’ someone and grow attached to them. Atleast that’s what I think anyway”

I smiled.

“It’s a dilemma alright, but its nothing you cant get through. Talk to the London guy. See what he’s all about. Give him a chance to explain himself. At the same time, keep in mind that you have Kuwait guy back home. My mom always used to tell me ‘5eth eli t7ebk oo la ta5eth eli t7ebha’. And, as far as I can see, the theory is holding very true in your case”

“The thing is, I want the sparks. They feel amazing. I love that feeling eli I’m clicking with someone. I love that I look forward to seeing him, and that I think about him when he’s not there. But at the same time, everytime I think of the guy back home, a7es nafsy selfish. Ya3ny what more can I ask for? Its not fair ya3ny…he’s given me his all and this is how I pay him back?”

“Like I said, just because something seems so right doesn’t mean it necessarily is. For either men. Ya3ny mo ma3nata ena he’s wayed 5osh wa7ed ena he’s the one, oo mo ma3nata ena he has sparks ena he’s the one either…fa since you know the first one, explore the second one. See what kind of person he is…oo hatha shay ma ra7 t3arfeena unless you sit-“

“-him down and talk to him” I finished his sentence.

He smiled again.

“I hate confrontations by the way”

“No one said its gonna be easy, bs even you, with all your denial, know it’s the only way out, 9a7? You’re already very confused about how you feel. A9lan ana '3a9eb ga3afham 3laich hehe”


Fahad and I talked for a few more hours till the clock struck 9pm. It surprised me that my phone had no missed calls or text messages from neither M7ammad or Layla. I wondered if they were thinking I was good riddance done.

Fahad insisted he drops me to the hotel, which he said wasn’t too far away from his place. We walked side by side, with my wet clothes in a plastic bag, until we got to the hotel.

“Atleast let me fix you some coffee”

“Its okay wallah…I just wanted to make sure you’ll be okay”

“Fahad may9eer! Ya3ny after everything you’ve done for me today, it’s the least I can do”

“Haya…9adgeeny I didn’t do any of it for the coffee wallah”

He gave me a warm genuine smile, and I smiled back at him.

“Thank you Fahad. For everything. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for all this”

“No Haya. Thank you for letting me enjoy the pleasure of your company”

He took a card out of his wallet and gave it to me.

“This is my business card. It has all my contact information over here and back in Kuwait. If you ever need anything, it would be more than an honor to help”

I reached into my purse to give him mine.

“Oo hatha maly” I said handing it to him. He didn’t take it though.

“Look. I don’t want you to feel pressured into this. Ya3ny ana lail7een I don’t even know your last name. oo I don’t wanna know it ya3ny it makes no difference to me. Fa if you wanna keep things like that, I’ll understand”

I placed the card in his hand while he was still speaking.

“The pleasure is mine Fahad”

He flashed me one last warm smile. A smile that made me feel the warmth radiating from him. Not in a way where he was expecting something back from me. Not in a way where he was waiting for a reward.

But in a way where he was truely happy to help a fellow human.

“T9b7een 3la 5air Haya”

“Wenta mn ahala”

Contrasting Realities 25

this is the fastest post i ever wrote for Contrasting Realities

i wrote it in like 3 hours only!

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its not revised, its not edited, and maybe its not what you're used to...

bs its a post mn elgalb...lai darajat ena ymkn it was supposed to be on spill mo hnee ;)

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i hope you like it ;**

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ps: tra i have exams! very hectic! bs mn ams oo ana feeny inspiration oo weddy i write, bs kint bamoot mn elta3ab ams ;)

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pps: i hate having to post knowing that love ;** mo hnee, bs this is all for the sake of Gutter Flower 3shan la t9eer mutilated more than she already is ;Pp

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**********************************

I opened my eyes slowly, only to be faced with blackness.

Pitch blackness.

As my brain started switching on, I realized that I had absolutely no recollection of where I was, and what time it was. I didn’t even know what day it was.

I turned onto my other side, only to be faced by a flickering light from the window overlooking the street, and a digital clock. The bold red digits read 8:47pm amidst all the blackness.

The first thing that hit me was that I had never seen this clock before in my life. For a few minutes, I struggled to remember where I was.

But soon enough, it all came back to me.

M7ammad…and…and…Fahad?

Did any of that happen, or was he a figment of my imagination?

There was only one way to find out.

I reached out to pull down the cover and reach for my shirt, only to realize that I wasn’t underneath any covers. I looked at my shirt, but I could see nothing from the darkness.

I ran my hand across my chest, feeling my shirt.

Surely enough, I could trace the outlines of the letters G, A and P on it.

So it was all true.
I fell asleep in his bed.

The realization made me spring up from the bed. My eyes were now adjusted to the blackness, and I could see the outlines of the objects in the room; the cupboard, the chair, the door, and the lights. I reached over to switch on the lights, and saw my reflection in the mirror infront of me, standing in the middle of Fahad’s room, just as I remembered it before I fell asleep.

I fixed whatever was fixable in my now half-dry hair, and headed towards the door, with only one question in my head: how long was I asleep?

I opened the door to find Fahad lying on the sofa, with his head up against its arm. He had a book plastered to his face in one of his hands and the other playing with his hair. Upon hearing the squeaking door, though, he put his book aside and looked at me. A beautiful smile made its way across his lips.

“Noum el3awafy”

“Allah y3afeek” I said rubbing my eyes together, “Ambaih, ana shkether nemt?”

“Long enough for your coffee to go cold” he said with a wink.

“Oh…sorry about that” I said, cracking my knuckles uneasily.

“Please tell me you’re not apologizing for a cup of coffee”

“I’m not?” I said sarcastically.

He laughed.

“Gi3day gi3day allah yhadach…let me fix you something to drink. Do you like green tea?”

“Wayed”

“I guess that makes two of us then! I’ll go make us some”

“Fahad, its okay, listen you really don’t have to–“

“Haya, Haya, Haya” he interrupted.

“What?”

“Watch some TV till I come back” he said, flashing me another smile.

“Okay” I said, smiling back gratefully.

He disappeared into his little kitchen while I entertained myself with some of his books that were lying around. From the size of some of those books, I wondered if anyone was physically capable of reading them, or if they were simply there as references only.

I flipped through some of the books, until a particular one caught my attention. It had cartoons on the front cover and was titled Clinical Cardiology Made Ridiculously Simple.

Intruiged by the title, I picked up the book and flipped through its pages. The only things that made sense to me were some cute cartoons here and there. Apart from those, though, the only thing the book made me feel was ridiculously stupid. I made a mental note to add the author to my list of people to sue.

“It’s my favorite too” Fahad said, entering the room with a tray holding two white mugs.

“I wish I could agree” I said putting the book down. “So, you’re a cardiologist?”

“Trying to be one is more like it”

“Shkether bugalk?”

“I’m not counting hehe…its my first year a9lan”

“Oh…good luck with that 3ayal”

“Thanks! Much needed wallah!” he said. “Sugar?”

“Two please”

He handed me my cup, and then moved to his own.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot”

“Why cardiology?”

He looked away from my eyes towards the window, and let out a sigh. Then, he looked back to me and gave me a smile.

“It’s a long story…you got a few hours to kill?”

“Only if you’re comfortable sharing it with me”

“Agoolich shay bs promise me you wont freak out or anything?”

“Sure”

“Awwal mara eb 7ayaty a7es eni merta7 7g a7ad chithee…ya3ny I know I don’t even know you or anything like that, bs wallah 7ata when you were asleep all the way in the other room, I just felt…” he trailed off, ”…merta7…madree, just…merta7”

I looked at him silently, not knowing what to say.

“Wallah ya Haya mo 8a9dy shay, please la tfhmeeny ‘3ala6 bs wallah a7es chenna my little sister is with me or something…madree…its hard to describe. Maybe its cz I’ve been living alone for so long that it feels nice to have another human being around for a change” he smiled.

“Ymkn” I smiled back.

“So allah ysalmch, bs la7tha….you cant laugh at how cheesy this will sound, ok?”

I laughed loudly.

“Okay”

“Ee okay…so allah ysalmch, when I was back in med school…I had a girlfriend, eli I was totally head over heels in love with her. My first ya3ny. The first girl I ever fell in love with, the first girl I ever proposed to, the first girl eli I actually saw her as om 3yali, you know?” he said, and his smile grew on his lips with every word he spoke.

“Ee fhamt 3laik”

“Fa allah ysalmch, everytime I was with her, kint killa a7e6 my head 3la her chest and just listen to her heart beating. It always fascinated me. Even though we were together for years, I never seemed to get sick of it. I could listen to it for hours” He let out a little laugh to himself, “A9lan, lma ma kint agdar anam, kint I go to her place oo sit next to her on the sofa oo I put my head on her chest. I used to sleep like a baby on those nights” he said, now looking past me and smiling.

“That’s nice” I said, with a smile making its way to my lips.

“That was nice” he said.

I looked at him with questioning eyes, but he remained silent.

“Then what happened?”

“Nothing. We broke up” he said, and fell quiet again.

“Okay”

There were a few moments of silence as he sat there staring at me, yet I knew that look fully well. I could’ve been a clown that very instant and he wouldn’t have noticed the difference. I was just the figure infront of him as he was lost in his own little world.

“She had commitment issues. I loved her to pieces bs she didn’t wanna get married. She said she couldn’t see herself married. Ever” he said. “She said she wanted things like this, to stay the way they were…with no strings attached 3la golat’ha” he said, making air quotes with his fingers.

“I’m sorry to hear that”

His face lit up again.

“Oh no! Please don’t be. I couldn’t be with someone whom I had no future with. I just couldn’t do it. bs I’m glad I got out of it when I did. You know why?”

“Why?”

“L2ana when we broke up, I realized ena there is no such thing as love. I realized eni bs kint met3aleg feeha wayed. I realized ena what people keep talking about ena love this and love that, its simply a disease of missing someone too much. Its withdrawal symptoms of having grown too close to someone, and then not having them around anymore. Like when you’d get really close to your best friend and then lose them, or even your brother who travels abroad to study, or your favorite cousin who gets married or anything else that you’d get really attached to. Even your dog that dies one day. Nafs el e7sas. I call it 'Mukank Mbayen' syndrome.” He said with a sarcastic smile.

“T7iseen 9ij doctor, mo?” he said while rolling his eyes.

“7addik” I grinned.

He laughed loudly.

“Bs that’s not the point Haya. The point is, I realized that fairytales are just that...fairytales”

I looked deep into his eyes.

“Oo tadreen how I know that Haya?”

“How?”

“Lma raddait lkuwait I worked for a year before I came here, I worked with this girl. She was very nice oo wayed 3jebatny. Oo she was very open-minded, eli loo gayelha swalef 7ebny wa7ebk oo boyfriend oo girlfriend, kan 3ady 3ndha. Bs I didn’t. Dashait mn elbab oo talked to her parents. Bs 9adaf ena I was leaving then, oo it was too early to do something official, fa ma melachna or anything like that. Bs al7en we talk, oo I feel the exact same way as I did with my ex, even though I never really fell in love with her the same way, per se. 7ata lma a7acheeha al7en, ma net7echa swalef 7ub oo ‘3aram oo madree shino, bs ena nsolef about things in general ya3ny. Bs I’m just as attached to her, I cant imagine my life without her, and I know that if anything ever goes wrong with her, I’ll go through exactly what I went through with my ex, even though, like I said, I don’t love her, per se”

He looked at me.

“Do I make sense?”

“To a certain extent, yes”

“What I’m trying to say is, just because it feels right doesn’t mean it necessarily is. Oo just because things are great doesn’t mean they will necessarily remain. Oo just because you miss someone so much doesn’t mean you were in ’love’. Oo just because bad things happen doesn’t mean you have to forget them. Bl3aks, the only thing it means is that you have to learn from them. I mean, look at me, I’m basing my whole career 3la a mistake” he laughed to himself once more, “Bas its okay, because it’s a mistake that taught me all this fahma 8a9dy?”

I nodded.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, not all mistakes are bad. Sometimes you need to be shattered into pieces so you can realize how much potential there is in you when you glue it all together. After all, they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, 9a7?”

“Yea I guess”

“Sorry 9ada3tich eb swalfy oo mashakly. I don’t even know why all this came out wallah. Bs wallah erta7tlich ya Haya. There’s something about you…about your face…mashallah wayed muree7 wayed greeb 3al galb”

I blushed.

“Laa mako shay. You probably will never know how much you’ve helped me with what you said. I mean, its like you knew exactly what I was going through and what I needed to hear”

“Yea it was kinda written all over your face that I hit a nerve” he winked.

“It was?” I asked, surprised.

“Yea. Wayhich wayed mu3abir...may5esh shay hehe”

I blushed again.

“So tell me Haya, since it hasn’t killed you, what’s making you stronger?”