Monday, June 29

Contrasting Realities 26

For some reason, this post proved itself very very very challenging to write.
.
I have no idea laish, bs I've been trying to write it for more than a week now...oo I have 9 different versions of it...kil mara i write it up all from scratch oo a5er shay ma ya3jebny. I dont know if its because I havent written for so long, or because I'm lacking inspiration given I've just finished my exams or what...
.
Fa a5er shay I decided to publish the very first draft I wrote 3la bo ena it was the closest to the heart oo it was the easiet to write, l2ana i seriously need to get this part out of my system cz its driving me crazy and making me hate the story cz I'm stuck on it and I've been writing it for so long eli BAAAAAAAAS!!
.
soooo,
I shall be sitting here crossing my fingers and hoping that you guys will like it =)
.
Tadroon ena I've missed you guys terribly, 9a7? ;**
.
ps: wain Gutter Flower? Eli y3aref 3anha shay, please 5ay6ameny ena she's alright...I'm worried sick about her =\
.
**********************************

It was now my turn to sigh deeply, and turn to him with a smile.

“Do you have a few hours to spare?”

“Does it look like I have anything better to do?”

I looked at the books lying on the floor.

“Is that a trick question?” I asked sarcastically, while raising an eyebrow.

He laughed.

“I have ALOT of hours to spare, trust me” he said, flashing me another one of his warm smiles.

“Enzain” I paused, “I must tell you though, I’ve never really talked to anyone about how I feel or anything, so I’m not exactly sure how that goes and I'm pretty sure ena with my feelings all over the place I'm gonna end up sounding like a messed up psycho to you…bs somehow, it feels alright pouring my heart out to you for some reason.”

“Stop copying me and start speaking” he said, giving me a wink.

“Enzain”

I fell silent again.

“Where do I start?”

“From the beginning dear”

“mmm…”

I contemplated my own thoughts…where is the beginning?

“Allah ysamlk, I’ve been with this guy for a couple of months now. He’s a family friend oo I’ve known him since we were kids. He’s a very decent guy, a true gentleman ya3ny. Oo he loves me more than the world oo eli feeha”


“5osh”

“I always thought I loved him. Even though I’ve never had that rush when I’m around him, oo maybe even at one point thought of him as a brother and nothing more, I always thought ena maybe these things come after marriage or whatever. Madree ya3ny. Bs the thing is, he’s perfect…mo nag9a shay l9bay. He’s mo7taram oo my parents love him oo his parents love me…oo like I said he’s crazy about me, ya3ny shayelny mn 3al arth shail…fa I’ve always convinced myself ena this is as perfect as things ever get…after all what more can I ask for? A9lan maly 3ain I ask for anything more, fahemny?”

“Yea”

As I started organizing my thoughts into the next part of my tale, I sighed deeply. This was it. This was the confession. When these words come out of my mouth, I will no longer be able to deny anything I’ve been feeling, or anything I’ve been witnessing…

Or anything I’ve been hiding…mostly from myself.

“Kamlay” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

I sighed one more time.

“Allah ysalmk, there was this guy at work. No3a eli bad boy 3araft. Sum3eta mo shay kilish oo ma3roof 3anna he’s a player. He’s hot stuff, don’t get me wrong, bs eli he’s not used to not getting his own way, you know?”

He nodded.

“Ana lma re7t dawamy, I was already with hathak the other guy, bs somehow this guy from work, he always kinda pulled me in. I was always drawn to him somehow. Bs because of his attitude and because of what I’ve heard about him, I’ve always kept my distance from him, even though he was nothing but a perfect gentleman with me oo 3umra ma he showed ena he was interested in me or anything, bs I always figured better safe than sorry, you know?”

“Yea I know what you mean”

“7elo. Fa this guy came with me to London on this business trip. Shit kinda happened, fa we’ve been living together for the past few days, sharing a hotel suite. Fa I’ve been interacting with him in these two days more than I’ve interacted with him in my entire career in my company, l2ana like I’ve said, I’ve always been keeping my distance from him bl dawam”

“Okay”

“Fa I’ve been seeing all these new sides of him that I never really saw before. The fact that he really is a gentleman oo not a complete asshole like I always thought he was. The fact that we get along very well. The fact that I enjoy his company…and most importantly, the fact that he’s…drawn to me”

I paused for a moment.

“I’ve been feeling all sorts of mixed up feelings...and even convinced myself that I was in denial and that I was seeing things that weren’t there until today…a few minutes, possibly even hours before I met you”

“Esh9ar?”

I smiled, thinking back of how passionately M7ammad was kissing me.

“He kinda kissed me…and so effectively, removing any doubts and denials that were piling up in my head that I was overanalyzing things. Basically, now I’m sure he has a thing for me”

Just as he was about to speak, I spoke before him. Excitedly.

Because it only hit me when I said it out loud.

“But the thing is…he made me realize that I was missing out on that rush I was telling you about. That you’re heart is supposed to beat faster. That you are supposed to feel nervous. That butterflies in your tummy are a good thing. He made me realize that I have feelings for him…and most importantly, he made me realize that I don’t have those same feelings for the guy back home, fahemny?”

“I think so”

“And honestly, the realization of all this is just throwing me all over the place. I don’t know how to react to the way I’m feeling, and most importantly, I don’t know what to do with this realization. Egoloon ignorance is bliss, mo?”

“Yeah hehe”


“Oo bas…salamtk”


Silence.

Silence.

Silence.



“Feedback would be nice, you know”

“I’m thinking…it’s a tough situation”

“You don’t have to tell me about it”

I looked at him for a few minutes as he sat there, apparently thinking about my situation.

“You know its bad when even a stranger who doesn’t know shisalfa is confused” I teased.

Another laugh.

“I love how you’re taking this so light-heartedly wallah”

“Light-heartedly? I would’ve forgiven that for anyone who hasn’t seen me a couple of hours ago...bs you?” I teased again.

“Shofay Haya. As far as I can see, you’re attracted to this London guy, but entay bs t3ezeen the guy back home. Ymkn you didn’t get that rush with the Kuwait guy l2ana you knew him all your life oo like you said, he went through your family and what not, fa ma kan fee majal e9eer sparks per se. Oo ymkn the only reason that you’re liking the London guy is that he’s offering you exactly what was missing from your relationship with the Kuwait guy, fahmatny?”

“I think so”

“Fa essentially what that means is that wala wa7ed menhom ferag 3an elthany…l2ana al7en YOU’RE confused about your own feeling. 9ij ena the first guy is all decent and what not, bs are you willing to accept that if there are no sparks? Oo ymkn the second guy is sparks all over the place, are you willing to accept the fact that he isn’t offering you any commitments? Bs then again ared wagoolich, ymkn there will eventually be sparks with the first guy, and ymkn the second guy will straighten up once he commits oo ymkn he’d be willing to commit for you, fahmatny?”

“Let’s pretend I am”

He laughed.

“My point is, you need to confront the second guy and have a serious talk with him…oo ymkn mn 7esn 7athich ena the two of you are here bro7kom stuck in the same suite all the time so something like this would be easier to approach than if you were back in Kuwait. Oo nafs ma geltlch gabl, just because something seems so right doesn’t necessarily mean it is. Oo just because you have ‘feelings’ for someone doesn’t infact mean…anything really…you can learn to ‘love’ someone and grow attached to them. Atleast that’s what I think anyway”


I smiled.

“It’s a dilemma alright, but its nothing you cant get through. Talk to the London guy. See what he’s all about. Give him a chance to explain himself. At the same time, keep in mind that you have Kuwait guy back home. My mom always used to tell me ‘5eth eli t7ebk oo la ta5eth eli t7ebha’. And, as far as I can see, the theory is holding very true in your case”

“The thing is, I want the sparks. They feel amazing. I love that feeling eli I’m clicking with someone. I love that I look forward to seeing him, and that I think about him when he’s not there. But at the same time, everytime I think of the guy back home, a7es nafsy selfish. Ya3ny what more can I ask for? Its not fair ya3ny…he’s given me his all and this is how I pay him back?”

“Like I said, just because something seems so right doesn’t mean it necessarily is. For either men. Ya3ny mo ma3nata ena he’s wayed 5osh wa7ed ena he’s the one, oo mo ma3nata ena he has sparks ena he’s the one either…fa since you know the first one, explore the second one. See what kind of person he is…oo hatha shay ma ra7 t3arfeena unless you sit-“

“-him down and talk to him” I finished his sentence.

He smiled again.

“I hate confrontations by the way”

“No one said its gonna be easy, bs even you, with all your denial, know it’s the only way out, 9a7? You’re already very confused about how you feel. A9lan ana '3a9eb ga3afham 3laich hehe”


Fahad and I talked for a few more hours till the clock struck 9pm. It surprised me that my phone had no missed calls or text messages from neither M7ammad or Layla. I wondered if they were thinking I was good riddance done.

Fahad insisted he drops me to the hotel, which he said wasn’t too far away from his place. We walked side by side, with my wet clothes in a plastic bag, until we got to the hotel.

“Atleast let me fix you some coffee”

“Its okay wallah…I just wanted to make sure you’ll be okay”

“Fahad may9eer! Ya3ny after everything you’ve done for me today, it’s the least I can do”

“Haya…9adgeeny I didn’t do any of it for the coffee wallah”

He gave me a warm genuine smile, and I smiled back at him.

“Thank you Fahad. For everything. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for all this”

“No Haya. Thank you for letting me enjoy the pleasure of your company”

He took a card out of his wallet and gave it to me.

“This is my business card. It has all my contact information over here and back in Kuwait. If you ever need anything, it would be more than an honor to help”

I reached into my purse to give him mine.

“Oo hatha maly”
I said handing it to him. He didn’t take it though.

“Look. I don’t want you to feel pressured into this. Ya3ny ana lail7een I don’t even know your last name. oo I don’t wanna know it ya3ny it makes no difference to me. Fa if you wanna keep things like that, I’ll understand”

I placed the card in his hand while he was still speaking.

“The pleasure is mine Fahad”

He flashed me one last warm smile. A smile that made me feel the warmth radiating from him. Not in a way where he was expecting something back from me. Not in a way where he was waiting for a reward.

But in a way where he was truely happy to help a fellow human.

“T9b7een 3la 5air Haya”

“Wenta mn ahala”

41 comments:

Person said...

@@

Person said...

This is just plain freaky
I dreamt ina u updated SERIOUSLY one i dont do happy dreams two WTH shaku dream of an update rnt u suppose to dream of incidents around u??and an update is nowhere that
Ilmuhim so i open my eyes oo adawir my ipod 3ashan ashouf il update wela maku update on any dashboard =/ *sigh* it WAS just a dream 5 mins later i decide hey lets just open the blog and re-readthe last post since obviously its on my mind and wat do u know @@ a NEWWWW POST A FRESH NEW POST if thats not freaky i dont know wat is

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

person,
LOOOOOOOOL!!
egoloon el2loob 3nd ba3daha ;**

but thats so cute! you actually dreamt of my blog!

wallah i have the hugest smile on my face =D =D

Person said...

Id smile too ;p l2na mu bas random mu bas m2dri min wain 6ali3li hal dream hehehehe i guess unconscious??
Hehehe im still :/

E said...

I'm in class and I can't read the post seeda I get the comment box :'(

Roon said...

when i saw that u posted i swear i just felt my heart beating so fast..

this is sorta a summery of the whole story, kinda refreshing our memory since u havent posted for a while ;)

I loved it!

keep it yup, and cant wait for the next post.. which should be soon since now ur free =D

^.^ mashallah, very talented..

wonder wt happened with m7mad..

Starlight<3 said...

You finally posted! :DDDDDDDDD

I had to pretty much slap myself to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

This post was one of those posts that just make you feel really good, a nice, drama-less post. I think that's just what you needed.

Next time you decide on writing something don't re-write it just stick to whatever, don't overthink it. You're an amazing writer and I think maybe you just need some inspiration.

Post soon,

x

Anonymous said...

a5eeran i've been waiting oo i liked the post

zuz said...

dandonoooo more!!! that was so shwayya!

Daloul said...

i was about to cry when i saw inich you posted.
inshalah ma ta5theein b3d sinna7ag el post el yaay ya3nii;p
love yew:*
XOxo

Anonymous said...

Yaaaaaayyyy, wa5eerraann :D

Ommgg i loveed itt <3
hatha Fahad hes so adorablee =)

Bss 7araam haya, i wonder whats going to happen to her!

Lovesss itt & post soon please =D
xxx

Karamilah said...

confrontation hmm, post 7lo bas y5awef
thanxx

Aurous said...

so why does haya get all the nice, decent, and good-looking guys?!
ana aby!!! ;p

Nawarii said...

omgggggggggggggggggggggggg 7ada mokanich kan imbayen babe...btw gr8 post and fahaaaaaaaaaaaaad is such a gentlemen can i take him plsss (A) heheheh...

M said...

I'm missing Gutter Flower too :( I don't know where she's hinding.. if you find out please tell me.. :(

I want the sparks as well.. someone that excites u.. someone u look forward to talking to.. *sigh* loved the post.. wonder what the other versions had..

love u :*

jooj said...

<3 a7baaaa fahadddd!! she should ditch both of them and go for him insteadddd

Anonymous said...

your baack!!!!! yaaaaayy!! wala weve missed you!!!!

shd3wa chthee 6awaltay..
the post is amaaaazing
waiting for the next one .....soon I HOPE !!!!!!!!!

-juju

Anonymous said...

nxxxxxxttttttttttt posssssssttttt plzz nwwww!!!

WELCOME BACK!!!

Jacqui said...

I LOVE IT!!!!

I love how in a way it gives a recap for those who tuned into the story so late hehehehe it's like summarizing everything a nice way to start a new chapter.. ina now she has to decide who she wants and who she'll be with!

Loved loved loved it!

Pearla said...

I'm at the airport now , I can't read and I need to focus while reading , so once I'm settled I'll read ... I'm happpy you posted :D yaaay :D ..

and Gutter, is Alive ! Happy but mo8a63a Blogger . I hope she'll be back soon ..


Mwauh loove you dandoooon ;*

Dreamer;* said...

:O
it was hard to write this part! believe me I know:O
okay 7ada 3ejaabny this part thankyou thankyou thankyouuu!! ou I'm looking fprward for the confrontation!:P
team bad boy wohooooooooooooo!!

Anonymous said...

amazing story, i really really like it !! i started reading it 2day in the afternoon and i couldnt stop reading !! great story, and cant wait till the nxt parts !!

moi said...

that was an almost real situtation, didnt feel like fiction, since alot of girls are put in that situation, write more plz i wanna see the end, it will be really helpfull for alot of girls=), who would she choose! i would go for the passison!

Islander said...

Gutter flower is goood.. Maybe i should turn that into a post??
shes just being an idiot and not commenting on posts (dont think shes reading them either, lana shes too vocal to shut up)
if me and here were in the same continent i would stick her nose fil screen and make her read all these posts asking about her, bas we're not. and shes an idiot.. a well and alive idiot.. haha so dont worry, some yelling and telling off is coming her way soon xx

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

person,
loooooooool!!
thats so cuuuuute!
i was even in your subconcious! =D
wallah i feel special! ;**

super-MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH 7aggich! ;**

******************

E,
its still gonna be here when your done galby ;**
even though its weird cz i checked mn my phone oo its working fine ;)
hope you enjoy it =)

*******************

roon,
ee wallah i havent written in a while, i was starting to forget the story myself ;)
bs inshallah will be posting soon =)
oo you'll find out where m7ammad is soon enough i guess ;)

MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! ;**
missed you more 7beeby ;**

*******************

starlight,
loo adry ena my post will make you slap yourself chan i didnt post LOOOOOL!!
ba3ad galby entay wallah...i missed you wayed wallah! its so good to hear from you! ;**
oo yea, i figured my best posts come when i dont overthink things...bs yabeely shwayat inspiration oo voila! =D

*******************

anonymous,
glad you do galby ;**
sorry 3al wait bs wallah was incredibly busy with exams =)

******************

zuz,
ya 6ama3a!
kil hatha shwaya!
it was like a 9 page document on word looooool! ;)

******************

daloul,
walaaaaaaain!
people crying oo people slapping themselves!

im starting to think ena 7aram i post lol ;)

bs inshallah the next one should be coming up soon =)

******************

anonymous,
ee i know...7adda eyanen 9a7?
aby menna ana ba3ad =D

something tells me she'll be fine at the end of the day hehe ;)

i guess we'll find out when the time comes hehe ;**

******************

karamilah,
it could be the best thing thats ever happened to them hehe
i agree though...i hate confrontations! =\

******************

aurous,
LO ADRY CHAN GELTLCH!!

madree wain t6ee7 3laihom! its not fair i tell ya! =@

kalba ehya!

then again it is a fictional story lol ;)

******************

nawarii,
ee wallah he's such a gentleman!
i wonder where his likes are in real life =\
or maybe theyve all migrated to stories hehe ;)
inshallah etha legaita agoolich wain t7a9leen nafsa hehe

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

M,
apparently gutterflower has been hiding mena kilina...this calls for a post to bring her back hehe =)

i want the sparks too...wain a7a9elhom M? i would kill for the sparks wallah

**SIGH**

i shall sit here by your side and wait for the sparks to come my way...

**HANDS M A SANDWICH**

here...looks like its gonna be a while =\

********************

jooj,
LOOOOOOOL!!
al7en mo kafy 3aleha athnain, you want her to take elthaleth ba3ad!
7aram 3laich jooj!
5aly shay 7agna e7na elmsakeen! ;)

********************

juju,
ya ba3ad galby entay ;**
wallah kan exams oo looya oo 7osa oo i was incredibly busy =\

adree 6awalt 3laikom bs kan 7adda loya =\
inshallah will be regular now hehe ;**

********************

anonymous,
LOOOOOL!!
ambaih 7addich metfa2la post now hehe ;)
bs i promise within the next few days inshallah ;**

********************

jacqui,
awwwwwwww!
I LOVE YOU!!
im so glad you liked it wallah ;**

tadreen ena ive missed you wayed, 9a7? ;**

********************

pearla,
ya ba3ad 3umry tro7een oo tredeen blsalama inshallah ;**
hope you have an amazing trip galby ;**
oo entay take your time...oo ana shakly baro7 a6eg gutterflower hehe

********************

dreamer,
team bad boy, haa?
wa3alaya...3abboud elmskeen =\
nobodys cheering for him =\

i think im gona start cheering for him from now on =D

********************

anonymous,
awwwwww!
new reader =D
im so glad you liked it wallah ;**
inshallah the next part will be soon! =D

********************

moi,
passion is good =D
bs nobodys cheering for love? or for the good guy? =(

9edag eli gal good guys finish last =\
7aram 3baid =\

********************

islander,
zain ana adree enha m8a63a blogger oo posts and what not, bs halkalba had me worried sick ive been emailing her for the past ever and she hasnt been replying =\
bs ashwa i just heard from her elyom so baro7 a6egha al7en =D

it would also help if you shoved her nose into the laptop screen =D

hehe **ANGELFACE**

Jacqui said...

Hehehe laish everyone misses me :P Bs I'm glad hehehehe I'm loved aww ;* I love and miss you too!

O that's one of the reasons I commented gelt mn zeman ma I commented hehe

Anonymous said...

I think my inet ate my comment. D:

Dandooooon! I read these 26 parts in one day! LOL. I just found out about it yesterday even though I continually read your blog but for some reason I didn't notice that you had this. :)

Anyway, it's a fun read. :)

I really hope Fahad is not just a plot device to move the story along in the sense of having her sort our her feelings towards the other two. XD. I like him better than the other two.

Btw, to sign up for the email notification, do I leave my email on that post you linked to or may I email you a request? :)

- h.s.e

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

jacqui,
i was wondering where you were!
but its always great to hear from you 7beeby ;**

where would i be without my jacqui? ;**

*****************

hse,
LOOOOL!
thats alot of reading for one day! how do your eyes feel now? ;)

but im really glad you enjoyed it =) wallah its people like you that keep me going ;**

oo 7beeby, you can do watever you want! tabeen u leave ur email there or here, kaifich! im not publishing it anywhere hehe

oo if you wanna email me, hamm 7ayyach allah ;**

Jacqui said...

Hehehe I am always around but it's just when I read the posts on my phone I don't feel like commenting o next day I don't feel like it as well hehe but oh well :P

I ALWAYS READ :P

So don't worry about that and I miss you too, and where would I be without you as well!

Yousef said...

Finally!! Welcome back DanDooon =D
7adi I missed you y3ni!!
wai 3ad y3ni ana etha bashki 7q a7d ma 3ndi ela elba7r ;Pp yqolon 3na ena he's a good listener loool, 9uj ya ba5t Haya eb Fahad because he's such a good man and a good listener as well :)
Wo again 7aaadi I missed you Dandooon!! Wo I'll be waiting for your next post! =D

Ruby Woo said...

where's blue eyes in this post?? i miss him

ma7ib haya, khalid, layla, or 3abood i only like the blue eyed hottie ;p

Crescent said...

i ve been waiting sooo long for u to post :P sooooo happy :P

madwe i think this fahad guy is soo wise, and i think haya needs a rest :P and sit back rethink of everything again....

Hessa said...

Awww, we missed you & your posts walla :**
The post 3ajeeb! w fahad is so sweet :* i kinda like him :p
Thank yooouuu loads :*

simply.me said...

ahhh a5eeran ma b'3ait agrahaa ..!!

zain ma nsait a7dathe el story ..!!

this part kan wayeed 7lww .. 7baith

9a77 ma kan feeh action this time bss liked it ;)

waiting for the next post ..

:**

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

hse,
got your email galby...inshallah you'll recieve a notification when the next post is out =)

*****************

jacqui,
ee wallah i do the same thing...
killa i read from my fone oo it takes forever to comment through it fa i dont oo b3dain ansa hehe ;)
its still good to see you around though babe ;**

*****************

YOUSEF!! =D
wallah wallah i missed you more!
i missed your comments eli killa twanesny! =)
oo laish t8aledny? 7ata ana kila aro7 ashky lelba7ar hehe
allah ya36eena both fahads hehe ;)
looking forward to seeing you here! =D

*****************

ruby woo,
LOOOOOOOOOOL!!
hey hey agool...dont you go around eyeing my man chithee ashkara ;Pp
atleast try and be subtle...you know...ra3y wujoody ;Pp

*****************

crescent,
3asa doum happy ;**
i think we all need a rest hehe ;)
which is why this post was cool ;)

bs yea....we have drama coming soon enough lol ;)

*****************

hessa,
ya ba3ad 3umry...i missed you more wallah ;**
you have no idea how happy it makes me feel when i see you around ;**
i like fahad too...aby menna =D

*****************

simply.me,
ee wallah 7ata ana i had to go back and read alot of the parts again 3shan akteb hal part hehe
adree 6awalt 3laikom...soweeee =\
inshallah im back oo the next part will be very soon =D

Standy said...

bas to tell you ino i read it...

i dont like how haya is confused.. i dont like how fahad is so sweet..
i dont like how we have no idea what 3bdallah is thinking..
and i dont like how m7amd thinks he can do anything and get away with it...
i dont like how laila is i donno!!!

Pearla said...

Dandoon I loved this post .. ino thingas are clear now o she knows now ish 7tswee , so the next post meta ? :p
I think b9eer full of drama , since she's going to talk to M7mad <3 !! and I'm hoping M7mad will tell her that he likes her too and jumps 3leha o give her a big hug with a kiss :D aaah LOL i can dream and make my dreams come true :p and 3bdullah will 5ala9 he'll find someone else , so mn jd he seems like a brother to her mo aktar !! haha :p
I've missed this storrry , post sooon ;* mwauh I love youuuu

nora said...

DANDOOOOOOON

I MISS MY M7AMMED

AND I MISS YOUR POSTS

AND I MISS READING YOUR POSTS

Damaged said...

OMG! im totally loving the new guy. but where's her fiance?! :O
but i love ur story and plz plz continue

Stubby said...

I Wanna Be A Followeeerr!! ;( MO GAADRA LAAAISHH!?;@

PS: Love Your Story, Im Hooked!
PPS: POST SOON!

ily;*

Stubby xx