This post is not only dedicated to Gutter Flower; it was written for her altogether.
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I kept my end of the deal...now its time to keep yours ;Pp
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For the sake of the exams and presentations I have, and for the sake of this extra extra extra long post i managed to juggle in between them ;)
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yala i'm waiting for my twin to come back ;Pp
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oo btw, dont expect me again for a couple of weeks =(
me got wayed exams =(
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I stormed out of the store into the pouring rain and stopped midway.
What was I doing?
Where was I going?
And most importantly, who was I going to, knowing fully well that the only two people I knew in this country were in that store?
As I stood there, contemplating what to do, electricity made its way throughout my body as images of me and M7ammad kissing played in my head. And I say of me and him kissing, because I know that not pushing him away made me as guilty as it made him.
What have I done?
Betrayed 3abboud? Betrayed the only gentleman I have ever met in my life? Betrayed the one guy who never gave up on me? Betrayed the one person whose life I mean everything to?
No…
I betrayed myself.
The realization killed me. I found myself running through the middle of the street in the pouring rain across the very few people on it. Tears were streaming down my face and thoughts were emerging into my head at the rate of 1000 thoughts per second.
What have I done?
I couldn’t think. My head felt heavy owing to all the thoughts in them. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t stop thinking either.
What have I done?
I ran and I ran and I ran till I could run no more. I only slowed down when I started getting short of breath and when I felt like I could run no more. As my steps slowed down, I felt all the pain from running with high heels shooting across my toes, my heels, my knees and my spine.
As the pain intensified, I slowly felt myself losing my balance. Trying to restore it though, I broke my heel and fell on my leg. I let out muffled scream as I felt the sharp pain of my ankle twisting underneath me.
“5araaaa! Ektemal elyom bs 5alas kil shay ektemal!” I screamed at myself loudly as I held on to my throbbing ankle, with tears still flowing down my face.
“Shely ektemal?” came a Kuwaiti accent from the man who was now on his knees from behind me.
I turned my face to look at him. He was holding an umbrella above my head and looking at me intently, with a concerned look in his dark brown eyes. He wasn’t handsome, but he had a certain charm to him. Even though his cleanly shaven face carried a stern and serious look, there was something about it that screamed out generosity and kindness.
“Laa bas mako” I tried getting up, but winced as pain shot up from my ankle.
“Kuwaity female lying on the ground on the streets of London, with bloodshot eyes, smudged makeup and tears rolling down her face heavier than this rainfall oo etgoleenly mako?”
Listening to him telling me how pathetic I looked managed to make me sob, and not just cry. I was now gasping for air as loud tears escaped my eyes.
“Shhhhhhh…” he said as he put his arms around me in a warm embrace, “bs bs 5alas kil shay lah 7al ehdy bs”
Even though I felt safe in his arms, I somehow managed to cry harder. Every tear I shed was filled with guilt and confusion, but most of all, a sense of utter loneliness and fear of what was to come next.
“Basss shhhhhhh ehdy baba…all these tears aren’t gonna solve anything…mako shay yeswa kil haldmoo3”
I don’t know how long I sat there crying in this stranger’s arms as we both sat on the street under the rain, but eventually, my tears stopped falling and my chest stopped heaving. When my breathing became more regular, I finally pulled away from him. He wiped the remaining tears off my face.
“So, do you make a habit of twisting your ankle on rainy days?”
I laughed weakly.
“I didn’t think you could smile after all that crying”
“I try not to make a habit out of it”
“Good…cz if you do, then more people like me would be catching a cold from sitting under the rain”
“Sorry”
“Hey! I’m not complaining! How many times do you see someone you can actually relate to in distress and can offer a hand to? Though I must say, you don’t look very Kuwaity…loo mo sam3ch ga3da tet7al6amain bl3araby chan ma darait”
“I’ll try to do that more often to provide entertainment”
Awkward silence.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, ma 3araftich 3la nafsy. Ana Fahad.” He extended his hand for me to shake.
“Haya…nice to meet you and cry in your arms” I said as I shook his hand and gave him a wide smile.
“Laa oo you crack jokes when you’re upset ba3ad? Zain ya Haya…shrayech ngoom mn kil halmu6ar?”
“My ankle…”
“mmm…zain tra this is my place…” he pointed to the building I was sitting infront of, “oo I’m a doctor, fa I have all sorts of medical supplies up there…shrayech t6l3een weyay I do something about your ankle oo I fix you something warm to drink?”
Should I even be contemplating going to this complete random stranger’s place?
As if reading my thoughts, he continued “Tra you can take my word for me not being a serial killer or a rapist I promise”. He raised his pinky.
I laughed loudly.
“I’ll take that as a yes” he said grinning. He got up and his figure came into view. He was tall and had broad shoulders, but was carrying a few extra pounds. I tried holding on to him as he held out his hands for me and shifting my weight to my good leg, but stumbled and nearly fell again had he not held me.
“mmm…I guess I’m just going to have to carry you. You’re not to heavy, are you?”
I shot him a look, and was just about to open my mouth when he saved himself.
“Yuba ga3at’3ashmar ga3at’3ashmar! La yen3efes wayhech chithee…I thought you were all for making jokes and what not”
I smiled again as I put my arms around his neck and he carried me into his building and its elevator.
“So do YOU make a habit of helping girls who break their heels under the rain?”
“Naaa…only the ones who fall right infront of my eyes as I step out of my building”
“Oh! I hope eny mo m2a5retek 3la shay”
“La don’t worry…I was just going for a walk”
“In the rain?” I said as he stepped out of the elevator and reached his flat.
“Shfeech entay? I love the rain!”
“Great minds think alike”
“Zain look, ana ma ra7 agdar aba6el elbab while carrying you…shrayech you reach into elpocket mal my jacket and get the key 3shan you open it?”
I did as I was told. He pushed the door open with his leg and we stepped into a small cozy flat, with books everywhere…on the floor, on the sofa, on the dining table…everywhere.
“Excuse the mess…my exams are coming up soon”
“Excused wallah allah y3eenk…enta doctor wla student?”
“Doctor…I’m doing post-grad” he lay me down on the sofa.
“I see…allah y3eenk”
He kneeled on the floor infront of me and gently took off my shoe. Then, he started looking at my foot from different angles.
“mmm…”
“Shino mmm? Like good mmm wla bad mmm?”
“Like mmm…” he said, looking at me sternly.
I started to worry, but stayed silent nonetheless.
“Do you realize you’re pulling the cutest puppy face right now?”
I blushed.
“Sorry tara I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, ma kan 8a9dy shay wallah…bs you should see your face”
I smiled silently.
“So back to what we were saying…” he changed the subject, “…I don’t think its anything serious; I mean, its not swollen or anything. Probably just a bruise from the fall and nothing more”
“That’s good news, 9a7?”
“Yup”
“Bs it still hurts like hell though…oo I cant walk 3aleha kilish”
“I’ll tell you what…I’ll wrap it up for you oo a7e6lch 3aleh painkiller ointment. That should kill the pain for a few hours till it goes away. Shrayech?”
“You’re the doctor” I winked.
He got up and walked to a cabinet near the kitchen. After fidgeting with some ointments, inhalers and pills, he finally took out a long bandage roll and a metal clips, and a white tube of ointment.
He came back to me and sat cross legged on the floor. Then, he gently took my leg into his hands. He then squeezed some ointment out of the tube onto my leg and gently started massaging it along my foot. I flinched a little as I felt the pressure of his fingers against my foot.
“May5alef its gonna hurt shwaya, only for a minute till the medication kicks in. then, you wont feel a thing”
And he was right. The next thing I knew was that the pain had disappeared completely and all I could feel was his soft palms against my ankle.
“Better?” he said when he was done.
“Oh you have no idea”
“I’ll just wrap it up for you ba3ad 3shan yray7ch m3 elpressure”
He gently, yet firmly, wrapped my ankle. When he was done, he asked me to get up and stand. When I did, I felt absolutely no pain at all.
“This is great! Its all gone! Chenna ma 9ar shay!” I said, looking down at him as he sat cross-legged on the floor.
“Its gonna be like that for the next few hours too” he smiled, and then got up on his feet. “Now that we have that fixed comes the most important part, you’re soaked. Lazem etbadleen l2ana by7ooshich cold etha you stay like this. Fa I’ll just go get you a change of clothes 3shan your clothes dry up while I fix you something to drink. Deal?”
I hesitated. It wasn’t like me to accept offers like this.
But then again, its not like I’ve ever been in this situation before.
“Fair enough”
“Make yourself at home 3ayal” he called out as he walked into his room.
I smiled as I looked around me. On the sofa next to me lay a few books. On the coffee table were two stethoscopes. Papers and notebooks were everywhere.
He came back with an oversized GAP sweatshirt and sweatpants.
“These are the only things I own that are clean and will fit you. Sorry.”
“They’re fine. Wallah I really appreciate it. You’re too kind.” I said, giving him a grateful smile.
“Yala roo7ay badlay…3ndch the room or the bathroom inside it if you wanna take a shower or something...eli yray7ch. Oo when you’re done, just give me your clothes a7e6hom bl dryer”
“Thanks”
“Don’t mention it, shda3wa? Bs tell me…shino teshrbeen?”
I looked outside the window and saw that it still wasnt sunset.
“A cup of coffee would be great”
“Then coffee it is. Egoloonly no one can fix a cup of coffee like me, so maybe you can tell me if its all mujamalat.”
“I guess”
“Yala off you go. Take your time, don’t rush, tra ma waray shay. Oo lma t5al9een ta3aly”
I walked into his room and slowly stepped inside. It was obvious he tried to clear it up in the few minutes he was inside earlier for my sake. Even though I wasn’t looking, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
And what I saw scared me…
My hair was twirled into tangles and greasy knots all around my face. My eyeliner and mascara were practically everywhere on my face except my eyes.
And the lipstick…
The red lipstick that was all over my mouth and chin and cheek.
Seeing it there brought it all back.
I felt my eyes filling up with tears again as I started remembering what I had been successfully shoving at the back of my head since I met Fahad.
I suddenly felt cold and started shivering. I realized that my clothes were practically dripping with all the rain they had soaked up. For the first time today, I felt like I wasn’t emotionally numb.
I opted to take a shower and try to make myself look less zombie-like. I kept my mind off things during my shower by looking at Fahad’s shampoos and shower gels and smelling them at times, and by trying to keep the water away from my bandaged leg at others.
When I stepped out of the shower, I was a bit light-headed. Even though I knew it was because of the extra-hot shower I took, I knew that wasn’t the only reason. I felt exhausted. I felt weak. I felt drained.
I decided to sit down on the bed for a few minutes till the dizziness subsided, in fear of falling down and breaking my leg for real this time.
The next thing I knew was me in a deep, dreamless slumber on this stranger’s bed.
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