Contrasting Realities 25

this is the fastest post i ever wrote for Contrasting Realities

i wrote it in like 3 hours only!

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its not revised, its not edited, and maybe its not what you're used to...

bs its a post mn elgalb...lai darajat ena ymkn it was supposed to be on spill mo hnee ;)

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i hope you like it ;**

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ps: tra i have exams! very hectic! bs mn ams oo ana feeny inspiration oo weddy i write, bs kint bamoot mn elta3ab ams ;)

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pps: i hate having to post knowing that love ;** mo hnee, bs this is all for the sake of Gutter Flower 3shan la t9eer mutilated more than she already is ;Pp

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I opened my eyes slowly, only to be faced with blackness.

Pitch blackness.

As my brain started switching on, I realized that I had absolutely no recollection of where I was, and what time it was. I didn’t even know what day it was.

I turned onto my other side, only to be faced by a flickering light from the window overlooking the street, and a digital clock. The bold red digits read 8:47pm amidst all the blackness.

The first thing that hit me was that I had never seen this clock before in my life. For a few minutes, I struggled to remember where I was.

But soon enough, it all came back to me.

M7ammad…and…and…Fahad?

Did any of that happen, or was he a figment of my imagination?

There was only one way to find out.

I reached out to pull down the cover and reach for my shirt, only to realize that I wasn’t underneath any covers. I looked at my shirt, but I could see nothing from the darkness.

I ran my hand across my chest, feeling my shirt.

Surely enough, I could trace the outlines of the letters G, A and P on it.

So it was all true.
I fell asleep in his bed.

The realization made me spring up from the bed. My eyes were now adjusted to the blackness, and I could see the outlines of the objects in the room; the cupboard, the chair, the door, and the lights. I reached over to switch on the lights, and saw my reflection in the mirror infront of me, standing in the middle of Fahad’s room, just as I remembered it before I fell asleep.

I fixed whatever was fixable in my now half-dry hair, and headed towards the door, with only one question in my head: how long was I asleep?

I opened the door to find Fahad lying on the sofa, with his head up against its arm. He had a book plastered to his face in one of his hands and the other playing with his hair. Upon hearing the squeaking door, though, he put his book aside and looked at me. A beautiful smile made its way across his lips.

“Noum el3awafy”

“Allah y3afeek” I said rubbing my eyes together, “Ambaih, ana shkether nemt?”

“Long enough for your coffee to go cold” he said with a wink.

“Oh…sorry about that” I said, cracking my knuckles uneasily.

“Please tell me you’re not apologizing for a cup of coffee”

“I’m not?” I said sarcastically.

He laughed.

“Gi3day gi3day allah yhadach…let me fix you something to drink. Do you like green tea?”

“Wayed”

“I guess that makes two of us then! I’ll go make us some”

“Fahad, its okay, listen you really don’t have to–“

“Haya, Haya, Haya” he interrupted.

“What?”

“Watch some TV till I come back” he said, flashing me another smile.

“Okay” I said, smiling back gratefully.

He disappeared into his little kitchen while I entertained myself with some of his books that were lying around. From the size of some of those books, I wondered if anyone was physically capable of reading them, or if they were simply there as references only.

I flipped through some of the books, until a particular one caught my attention. It had cartoons on the front cover and was titled Clinical Cardiology Made Ridiculously Simple.

Intruiged by the title, I picked up the book and flipped through its pages. The only things that made sense to me were some cute cartoons here and there. Apart from those, though, the only thing the book made me feel was ridiculously stupid. I made a mental note to add the author to my list of people to sue.

“It’s my favorite too” Fahad said, entering the room with a tray holding two white mugs.

“I wish I could agree” I said putting the book down. “So, you’re a cardiologist?”

“Trying to be one is more like it”

“Shkether bugalk?”

“I’m not counting hehe…its my first year a9lan”

“Oh…good luck with that 3ayal”

“Thanks! Much needed wallah!” he said. “Sugar?”

“Two please”

He handed me my cup, and then moved to his own.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot”

“Why cardiology?”

He looked away from my eyes towards the window, and let out a sigh. Then, he looked back to me and gave me a smile.

“It’s a long story…you got a few hours to kill?”

“Only if you’re comfortable sharing it with me”

“Agoolich shay bs promise me you wont freak out or anything?”

“Sure”

“Awwal mara eb 7ayaty a7es eni merta7 7g a7ad chithee…ya3ny I know I don’t even know you or anything like that, bs wallah 7ata when you were asleep all the way in the other room, I just felt…” he trailed off, ”…merta7…madree, just…merta7”

I looked at him silently, not knowing what to say.

“Wallah ya Haya mo 8a9dy shay, please la tfhmeeny ‘3ala6 bs wallah a7es chenna my little sister is with me or something…madree…its hard to describe. Maybe its cz I’ve been living alone for so long that it feels nice to have another human being around for a change” he smiled.

“Ymkn” I smiled back.

“So allah ysalmch, bs la7tha….you cant laugh at how cheesy this will sound, ok?”

I laughed loudly.

“Okay”

“Ee okay…so allah ysalmch, when I was back in med school…I had a girlfriend, eli I was totally head over heels in love with her. My first ya3ny. The first girl I ever fell in love with, the first girl I ever proposed to, the first girl eli I actually saw her as om 3yali, you know?” he said, and his smile grew on his lips with every word he spoke.

“Ee fhamt 3laik”

“Fa allah ysalmch, everytime I was with her, kint killa a7e6 my head 3la her chest and just listen to her heart beating. It always fascinated me. Even though we were together for years, I never seemed to get sick of it. I could listen to it for hours” He let out a little laugh to himself, “A9lan, lma ma kint agdar anam, kint I go to her place oo sit next to her on the sofa oo I put my head on her chest. I used to sleep like a baby on those nights” he said, now looking past me and smiling.

“That’s nice” I said, with a smile making its way to my lips.

“That was nice” he said.

I looked at him with questioning eyes, but he remained silent.

“Then what happened?”

“Nothing. We broke up” he said, and fell quiet again.

“Okay”

There were a few moments of silence as he sat there staring at me, yet I knew that look fully well. I could’ve been a clown that very instant and he wouldn’t have noticed the difference. I was just the figure infront of him as he was lost in his own little world.

“She had commitment issues. I loved her to pieces bs she didn’t wanna get married. She said she couldn’t see herself married. Ever” he said. “She said she wanted things like this, to stay the way they were…with no strings attached 3la golat’ha” he said, making air quotes with his fingers.

“I’m sorry to hear that”

His face lit up again.

“Oh no! Please don’t be. I couldn’t be with someone whom I had no future with. I just couldn’t do it. bs I’m glad I got out of it when I did. You know why?”

“Why?”

“L2ana when we broke up, I realized ena there is no such thing as love. I realized eni bs kint met3aleg feeha wayed. I realized ena what people keep talking about ena love this and love that, its simply a disease of missing someone too much. Its withdrawal symptoms of having grown too close to someone, and then not having them around anymore. Like when you’d get really close to your best friend and then lose them, or even your brother who travels abroad to study, or your favorite cousin who gets married or anything else that you’d get really attached to. Even your dog that dies one day. Nafs el e7sas. I call it 'Mukank Mbayen' syndrome.” He said with a sarcastic smile.

“T7iseen 9ij doctor, mo?” he said while rolling his eyes.

“7addik” I grinned.

He laughed loudly.

“Bs that’s not the point Haya. The point is, I realized that fairytales are just that...fairytales”

I looked deep into his eyes.

“Oo tadreen how I know that Haya?”

“How?”

“Lma raddait lkuwait I worked for a year before I came here, I worked with this girl. She was very nice oo wayed 3jebatny. Oo she was very open-minded, eli loo gayelha swalef 7ebny wa7ebk oo boyfriend oo girlfriend, kan 3ady 3ndha. Bs I didn’t. Dashait mn elbab oo talked to her parents. Bs 9adaf ena I was leaving then, oo it was too early to do something official, fa ma melachna or anything like that. Bs al7en we talk, oo I feel the exact same way as I did with my ex, even though I never really fell in love with her the same way, per se. 7ata lma a7acheeha al7en, ma net7echa swalef 7ub oo ‘3aram oo madree shino, bs ena nsolef about things in general ya3ny. Bs I’m just as attached to her, I cant imagine my life without her, and I know that if anything ever goes wrong with her, I’ll go through exactly what I went through with my ex, even though, like I said, I don’t love her, per se”

He looked at me.

“Do I make sense?”

“To a certain extent, yes”

“What I’m trying to say is, just because it feels right doesn’t mean it necessarily is. Oo just because things are great doesn’t mean they will necessarily remain. Oo just because you miss someone so much doesn’t mean you were in ’love’. Oo just because bad things happen doesn’t mean you have to forget them. Bl3aks, the only thing it means is that you have to learn from them. I mean, look at me, I’m basing my whole career 3la a mistake” he laughed to himself once more, “Bas its okay, because it’s a mistake that taught me all this fahma 8a9dy?”

I nodded.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, not all mistakes are bad. Sometimes you need to be shattered into pieces so you can realize how much potential there is in you when you glue it all together. After all, they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, 9a7?”

“Yea I guess”

“Sorry 9ada3tich eb swalfy oo mashakly. I don’t even know why all this came out wallah. Bs wallah erta7tlich ya Haya. There’s something about you…about your face…mashallah wayed muree7 wayed greeb 3al galb”

I blushed.

“Laa mako shay. You probably will never know how much you’ve helped me with what you said. I mean, its like you knew exactly what I was going through and what I needed to hear”

“Yea it was kinda written all over your face that I hit a nerve” he winked.

“It was?” I asked, surprised.

“Yea. Wayhich wayed mu3abir...may5esh shay hehe”

I blushed again.

“So tell me Haya, since it hasn’t killed you, what’s making you stronger?”