Saturday, December 13

Contrasting Realities 6

After calling Layla, Khalid and Waleed, I went downstairs to the main reception and stepped out of the building to call 3abdallah. I stood amidst the wind and took it all in. Then, I scrolled down to his number and sighed. I really didn’t want to do this.


Calling 3abboud...


My stomach churns.

He picks up.

“Aloo”. He sounded agitated.

”Hala 3abboud, shlonk?”

His voice instantly cleared up.

“Hala wallah b3yoon 3abboud, shlonich ya gumar?”

Do you ever feel like there are certain things you get tired of hearing?

“El7amdella,ent shlonk?”

“A7es nafsy ba6eer mn elfara7 3gb ma sema3t 9otich...I don’t even remember the last time you called me t9ab7een 3ly…killa ana eli adeg 3laich”

I felt a huge lump forming in my throat.

Awkward silence.

“Mo dagga bs 3shan t9ab7een 3ly, 9a7? Fee shay 9ayer…”

I forced out a nervous laugh. It sounded more like a shriek though.

“May5alef...if that’s what it takes 3shan asma3 9otich, then so be it...what’s up?”

His voice didn’t even seem the least bit upset. If only I could go back to being overly cheerful to having found this guy again. Why did things have to change? Where have all those feelings gone? I miss the days when I couldn’t wait to hear his voice and was overjoyed when he called me 7beebty.

“Hayoo, are you still there?”

“Huh? ee ee 7beeby kani”

“Hayoo sh9ayer? Laish mo 3la ba3thich? You're freaking me out!!”

“7beeby 3ndy safra London bacher for work”

“How long?”

“10 days”

“Great! Ana ma 3ndy shay this week”

Laa laaa laaa 7addk fahem '3ala6…

That shreiky nervous laugh again.

“3abboud...erm, you see the thing is...”

Awkward silence.

“…erm...it’s just that...”

“Hayooo, ma tabeeny ayee weyach?”

Awkward silence.

“7beebty, just tell me tra its okay...I’ll understand”

“Really?”

He sounded heartbroken, but he was trying to hide it. He would’ve been doing a pretty good job do if I didn’t know him as well as I did.

“Ee ee 7beebty I understand ena you need to keep a portion of your life 7aggich entay, mo kil shay you do with me. Etha btro7een bro7ich then 3la ra7tich 7beebty, oo etha tabeeny weyach ahed eldenya kilha 7aggich. I’m not going to pressure you to do anything”

I smiled. I knew 3abboud was one of a kind. I loved him, but why I coudnt be in love with him was beyond me.

“9ij 3abboud? Ya3ny you really don’t mind?”

“Yes 7beebty...may9eer kil shay we do it together...or else ra7 tmleen menny 9a7?”

I melted a little inside. This guy was as perfect as a guy will ever get.

If only I didn’t have to lie about what I was going to say next.

“Ana 3mry ma amel mennak 3abboud”

“Raja2an! Esmy 3abboudich, mo bas ay 3abboud!!”

I giggled.

“Where would I be without you?”

“Probably happily eating the food I steal from you whenever we go out to eat...which reminds me, you wanna go out for lunch elyom?”

“Atwa8a3 ma agdar cz I’ll be busy arranging everything”

He fell silent for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry sweetie”

“Laa shda3wa I know you’re busy...zain btro7een mkan wla ga3da bl shareka all day?”

“La ma atwa8a3 ena I’ll leave”

“Zain 3ady amrch lma a5ale9 dawam ag3ad m3 7beebty shway gabl la tsafer?”

Mabyyyyyyyy is what I thought.

“Ee sure, just let me know lman t5ale9”
is what I said.

“Ok 3yal I’ll see you later then...a7bch Hayooya”

“Me too 7beeby…yala ciao”

I hung up feeling a million different feelings at once. I was happy and sad. I was relaxed and angry. I was satisfied and wanting more. They were the same feelings I’ve been feeling around 3abboud lately after all the rush of us being together went away. He was the ultra-sweet guy in my life that I felt nothing more for. I just didn’t have the nerve to tell him that to his face.

Or maybe it was because I just lacked the justification for myself. After all, what more did I want? What more could I possibly ask for?


I spent my working day as usual, but with more coordination with Rana, who wasn’t exactly very pleasant with me. Especially after she heard M7ammad’s voice in my office in the afternoon when she called to inform me that everything has been taken care of.

I, ofcourse, put in a little extra effort to be extra feminine when I was addressing him when she was on the phone with me. I don’t know why, but it gave me pleasure to annoy her after the way she treated me infront of him in the morning.

When M7ammad came over, we looked over the course’s schedule and allocated tasks to each member. By the time everything got sorted, we were exhausted and drained, and it was nearly 6pm. I was half-lying in my chair and M7ammad was sitting on top of my desk.

“Ana bamoot mn elyoo3…entay makla shay?”

“Laa wallah mn el9b7 oo ana 3la halga3da…just gulping down mugs and mugs of coffee”

“You wanna order something till we wrap everything up?”

“Ee sure, what do you have in mind?”

There was a knock on the door of my office. I wondered who would be visiting me now, after-hours. I asked the person to come in.

It was 3abdallah. He had a bag from Paul in one hand and a bouquet of my favorite blue lilies in the other.

I sat up straight instantly. M7ammad got off my desk. It was a strange reaction and I don’t know why either of us did it.

“Sorry Hayoo ma kint adree ena lel7een you’re working”

“Laa laa we’re not working…t3al 7beeby…you remember M7ammad from our employees camp a few months ago, right?”

“Who doesn’t remember M7ammad? Shlonk Bu Jassem?”. He put everything on the coffee table and they shook hands.

“Halla wallah…shlonk Bu Najem?”

“Kint zain lain Haya galatly enkom bta5thoonha menny”

I blushed. M7ammad laughed.

“Yuba ay na5eth’ha menk…she’s just going shopping la t9adegha wayed”

“You guys are mean!”

“Yala 5al amshy ana bamoot mn elta3ab” M7ammad said as he proceeded to pack his laptop.

“Laish ma takel weyana Bu Jassem?”

“Mo yo3an wallah…oo I have things to do…bl3afya 3laikom”

“Allah e3afeek”

“Oo Haya, la tensain bacher you have to be in the airport at 7am”

“That’s not going to be a problem for me M7ammad, but it may be for you” I teased.

He said goodbye and left, leaving me behind with 3abdallah.


“What’s all this?”

“I figured if you can’t come to lunch, lunch will come to you” he said as he kissed my head.

“7beeby that’s so sweet!”

“Ba3ad shasawy? Magdar akel bedoon Haya”

We had lunch together, and we talked about nothing in particular. Before I knew it, it was 10pm and I had to head home to start packing and sleep. I was really enjoying his company and I didn’t want to leave until he started talking about how much he’ll miss me and how much he loves me. That’s when I started feeling uncomfortable and I felt like I needed to get out of there sooner before later.

I hated the way I was feeling towards 3abdallah. I loved him one moment, and hated him the next. I wanted him with me one moment and avoided him the next. I yearned for him one moment, and was repelled by the thought of my brother the next.

It was a rollercoaster ride, and it was eating me up from the inside day after day. But the most overwhelming feeling was not being able to fall head over heels for this guy, despite everything he is.


Before I went to sleep, I got my usual goodnight message from him.

Good night ya a7la Haya bldenya ;**

Just like every other day, it sent me off to sleep feeling a mountain of guilt about not being able to feel the same way towards him.


But today, it was guilt with a sprinkle of optimism. I had high hopes that my trip to London and my time away from 3abdallah would change the way I’m feeling towards him right now.


Little did I know, that would be the least of my worries 10 days later.

37 comments:

Aurous said...

Haya mskeen w kasra 5a6ry...

bs 3abdullah wayed lazga so mn 7agha etmel shway..

Starlight<3 said...

J'adore!

As usual, you'll have me impatiently waiting for more.

& awh 3abdullah is so sweet, it's sad she doesn't feel the same way.

What happens after 10 days? :O

Update soon,

x

FourMe said...

Ok you're just mean :/

Anonymous said...

I see she's falling for m7amad ..
poor 3aboud !

zwena said...

laish etsaween chethy fe 3abdallah <3

7raaam i love him :(

the zuz said...

7raaaaaaaaaam 3abdallah 5anat 7aily:(, 3eshagha wel3eshg balwa:P!, haya b3d i feel sorry for her! she wants to love him bs wain:P, MORE MORE MOREEEE;*

ZuZu said...

akhaaaih 3aboodi ;''( a7ebah

Karamilah said...

seems like Edward Cullen to me in a way much better way....

Missy said...

7raaaam 3boood!

Anonymous said...

Clap clap =D a new post yay!
9a7 tra oho shy etha zad 3n 7ada yn8lb '9da =/ Haya mskena o 3bdallah as well b3d 7es kel wa7d fehom yken maha3er '3reba lel'thani Haya tabi faja shwe o 3bd allah met3l8 feha 7eel =( bs omg etha Haya gonna play with her tail lol! y3ni if she's falling for Mohammad 9ej 7azt'ha she's the one to blame! 3al 3mom kel shy ra7 ybayn soon!

Yousef~

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

aurous,
ee lazga bs he's sweeeeeet ;**
7aram =(

************

starlight,
i know =(
it sucks for both him and her =(

you need to stick around to find out what happens in 10 days ;)

************

fourme,
why am i mean?
7aram 3laich, what did i do? =(

************

anonymous,
naaa...right now, haya hates m7ammad...
you'll see more of that in part 7 ;)

*************

zwena,
i love him too wallah ;**
i guess good guys killa e9eer feehom chithee =(
etha mo 3ajebha, 5al ta36eena eyah!! =(

btw, wain anony?! shlon ma 6a7at 3la this post yet?
la tkoon za3lana mn ams =(

*************

the zuz,
ee adree wallah yakseroon el5a6er both of them =(

*************

zuzu,
ee wallah me too ;**
eyanen! abyyyy =(

**************

karamilah,
ya rait he's half of edward! ;)
i havent read the book yet, bs ive heard enought to keep my imagination running wild! ;)

***************

missy,
adreeee =(
salfeta t3awer elgalb, mo?

***************

yousef,
ee wallah 9aj...kil shay etha zaad 3n 7adda engalab theda =S
i guess hatha ohwa eli 9ayer weyahom =(
it sucks =(
bs tra haya hates m7ammad! for now anyway!
you'll get to see more of that in the upcoming few parts! ;)

A Journal Entry said...

illy yabeena 3ayat il nafs la tabeeh!

Think-Become said...

i like.. ilyoum ma 9ar a7daath wayid :P

ishwayya i felt lost between this post and the previous one,, felt that i missed an episode in between.. what made haya lose interest? every relationship has its ups and downs.. is this one of the downs?....

Mar8adoosh said...

laaaa may9eer:( allah ma yrtha ;p la tsaween chithe ;p

libero anima said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw !!

alot of emotions !! .. ba9eeee7 duuude ! ..


tell me wats gona happen in 10 daaaaays ..

paaaaaleeeeeeeeeze complete A.S.A.P

Stand-Alone~ said...

LOL @ Aurous "bs 3abdullah wayed lazga so mn 7agha etmel shway" LOOOL.. same as what i had in mind, too clingy.. you know, us women we really dont know what we want!! if he is ALWAYS there, we dont like it and if is NEVER there ham we still dont like it..

I also see see haya falling for m7ammed...

MMMOOOORRREEEE...

Um-Manaf said...

u put my writing to shame ;) ...

3baid shwaya lazga! bes shareeha fa 7aram... lol

"e5thay eli y7ibich o mu eli et7ibeena" isn't that what they always say?

sadia said...

omg!
poor 3bdullah.
i hope she realizes that he's the one....or better yet, i hope he realizes he's too good for her...lol...and finds sadia and falls heads over heels in love with her!
hahahaha!
;p

A 3 AM Flight said...

I'm confused as to when exactly she stopped having feelings for Abdulla.

Was it in between the time period of part 5 and 6 or did it just suddenly develop in part 6?

And if a girl told me 'ciao' I'd end it right there.

Mashallah great story writing, dare I say better than a certain blogger.

Bas like her, you made the man a slobbering, sissy poodle compliment spewing machine, why :(

It's so obvious who she's going to develop feelings for. :P

Halawa said...

And you astonish me again!

Amazing Dana!

I guess she just can't see him as a lover. Awwww... too bad. Well, Abdullah is one amazing guy, shame it's not working out as it should!

*Swoons*... A Kuwaiti guy with blue eyes.. wow.

KARAMILA ~ I just saw ure comment.... I TOLD DANA that the why she writes is like Stephenie Meyer, Abood is the Arab Edward Cullen, well in a more human way *sreams out loud*... *breathes slowly and counts to 10*.. (Dana don't go searching who Edward Cullen is, you'll get spoilers and that's no fun, just read the book, I sent it over).
Can't wait for your next entry :)

zwena said...

eee walah khal ta36ena eyaah ana abi :(

loool shafeta bs lahya tegra her new stories kha9a ena they update fast :P

Anonymous said...

kani kani :P

cause awal mara garet el post kent mesta3yela fa gareta raketh o 6ala3t :P .. etsadgeen habba ansa shino i want to comment :\

bs shsalfat haya? i thught she liked 3abdullah! faj'a eglebat!

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

a journal entry,
ee wallah 9edagtay! =(
laish killa chithy?!

*************

think-become,
haya sha59eyan ma tadree sh9ar! =(
ohwa it was gradual, bs mo salfat ups and downs...

ya3ny first she wall all wow this guy is amazing oo madree shino, bs b3dain 9ar elmawthoo3 routine...killer routine...fa she lost that spark she had for him

you know, the same feeling when you first start liking someone? when it seems like there is nothing else in the world except that person?

bs then eventually, you come back to the real world after all that rush is gone?

fahem 8a9dy?

**************

mar8adoosh,
adreeee =(
ana maly she'3l lol
haya 5ebla! =(

**************

libero anima,
ufff!
lots of things will happen in those 10 days! ;)
will write more as soon as i get a chance! =)

**************

stand-alone,
ee wallah!!
us women are crazy!! ma ya3jebna shay! =S
more soon inshallah ;**

**************

um-manaf,
thats not physically possible cz i love your writing ;**
bs ee...killa egoloonlena chithy oo e7na ma nesma3 el7achy el yengalena!
mako menna fayda! =S

**************

sadia,
looooool!!
you know, i could twist the story line and make that happen lol ;)
but then, you'd have to get past me first before getting to him looool! ;)

**************

a 3am flight,
laa laa its not sudden at all...
it came very gradually, as i was saying to think-become above, you get to the stage when the rush is gone

im really not sure if im making any sense though lol!


"haya sha59eyan ma tadree sh9ar! =(
ohwa it was gradual, bs mo salfat ups and downs...

ya3ny first she wall all wow this guy is amazing oo madree shino, bs b3dain 9ar elmawthoo3 routine...killer routine...fa she lost that spark she had for him

you know, the same feeling when you first start liking someone? when it seems like there is nothing else in the world except that person?

bs then eventually, you come back to the real world after all that rush is gone?

fahem 8a9dy?"


oo got no idea who youre speaking abt...tra ako wayed bloggers yakteboon oo mashallah theyre all very talented...im hooked to all their stories ;**

bs ee...i had to turn the guys chithee cz at the end of the day i'm a girl who's seen wat guys are like...oo 9adegny if i found "a slobbering, sissy poodle compliment spewing machine", ma ra7 ahedddddddda! ;**

**DANDOOON IS NOT A FEMALE CHAUVINIST**

;Pp

oo we'll see what happens next! =)


(chenna elcomment 9ar post broo7a looool!)


*****************

halawa,
i've already heard tonz abt edward looool ;)
including see the dude playing him in the movie lol ;)

will try posting soon inshallah..bs till then...

BREATHE!!

lol! ;)

*****************

zwena,
we share him, zain?
mo killa 7aggich! ;Pp

wallah 7atan ana weddy i update more often =(
it sucks that i dont have time =(

*****************

anonymous,
i think we all came to the conclusion that haya is maynooona lool ;)


refer to think-become's comment above:


"haya sha59eyan ma tadree sh9ar! =(
ohwa it was gradual, bs mo salfat ups and downs...

ya3ny first she wall all wow this guy is amazing oo madree shino, bs b3dain 9ar elmawthoo3 routine...killer routine...fa she lost that spark she had for him

you know, the same feeling when you first start liking someone? when it seems like there is nothing else in the world except that person?

bs then eventually, you come back to the real world after all that rush is gone?

fahem 8a9dy?"

soooo

fahma 8a9dy? ;Pp

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

tra ma a7eb bs akteb refer to the comment, a7es its rude hehe =)

Think-Become said...

dandooon: ee al7een fahamt...

i think haya needs a break to get the spark back :P... bas ya7laila 3abdalla lail7een mit3allig feehaaa, mafrooth il 3aks.. al7eech this post made a lot of sense after your comment thnak you :D

Anoosa said...

ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh!! waiting for the rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sadia said...

lol...imagine a fight between dana and sadia...winner gets lover boy!

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

think-become,
im glad it makes sense now...oo i agree with you...i think 3abboud needs to allow haya to miss him shway...cz the fact that he's always around has made her abolish that feeling mn 7ayat'ha =)
oo clarifications arfe always welcome!
lovin you feedback wallah =)

*************

anooosa,
the rest is coming up soon enough =)

*************

sadia,
loooooool!!
and everyone in the background will be yelling catfight catfight!!

naaa...screw 3abboud...girls forever ;**

..:: P.ANONYMOUS ::.. said...

wallah i feel sorry for both 3abdallah and haya !!

i mean u cant blame haya for her feelings, but yet shino thanb 3abdallah : / so i guess it's non of their fault they are both victims !!


ahhhhh may5alif ana a5th 3abdallah :P intay bas hatee o i'll be attached to him o a76a b3youni o a'3m'6 3alaih ..

a5555 bas wain hal 3abdallah hatha :(

Ex-clamation Mark said...

I like Muhammad -_-
lol he's bad ass ;P
Abdullah was cool before he got all clingly and typical and mmmm nice

I'm hooked! =)

Charmbracelet said...

Nabii More Please !=$$
-N~

Saroy'que said...

okay seriously, your writings are the most things i missed when i was away ! mashallah 3allaich, everything is just perfect, i missed a lot of parts, so i had to stay in class and read haha. and im pretty sure i wont know what im supposed to study for my finals! but hey, it was all worth it, keep going, it's getting exciting !

Saroy'que said...

oh yeah and one more thing, 3abdallah's character is a bit too fake, like too good to be true! like little jenny in gossip girl when it first started haha =p

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

HOW DID I NOT REPLY TO THESE COMMENTS!!
TAWWNY ASHOFHOM!!
im soo sorry you guys =(

_____________

p.anonymous,
youre right i guess =S
mo thanb a7ad feehom =S
shay yakser el5a6er, no?
oo tra 7ata ana ga3da adawra la 3abboud lol ;)

**************

ex-clamation mark,
wallah 3abboud is a sweetheart...bs e7na elbanat, we're always looking for adventures lel2asaf =S

***************

charmbracelet,
more it is lol ;)
a bit too late adree, bs i guess better late than never ;)

***************

saroy'que,
wallah 3abboud is one of those people eli we dream of having, bs we can never find...
the prince charming in every fairytale if you may ;)

bs la t5afeen, ana kint nawya a5arba shway anyway, 3gb cham part chithee (6)
7addy shreera mo? lol

oo you should be studying ya bnaya?
(look whos talking lol)
seriously, the blog will always be here, la t7ateen ;)

Labna said...

Tara ana HAYA! latseboonhaa!!!!

7araam :( she doesnt have feelings for him shetsawey ya3ne!
kela mo omah el 7anna ;Pp

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

labna,
loooooool!
5alas 5alas ma ra7 ensebha =)
haya 5osh wa7da =)

bs ee, youre right =)

Em T. said...

oh my god truly no words could describe how i feel towards this ! you my dear are absolutely amazing wallah !!