Contrasting Realities 6

After calling Layla, Khalid and Waleed, I went downstairs to the main reception and stepped out of the building to call 3abdallah. I stood amidst the wind and took it all in. Then, I scrolled down to his number and sighed. I really didn’t want to do this.


Calling 3abboud...


My stomach churns.

He picks up.

“Aloo”. He sounded agitated.

”Hala 3abboud, shlonk?”

His voice instantly cleared up.

“Hala wallah b3yoon 3abboud, shlonich ya gumar?”

Do you ever feel like there are certain things you get tired of hearing?

“El7amdella,ent shlonk?”

“A7es nafsy ba6eer mn elfara7 3gb ma sema3t 9otich...I don’t even remember the last time you called me t9ab7een 3ly…killa ana eli adeg 3laich”

I felt a huge lump forming in my throat.

Awkward silence.

“Mo dagga bs 3shan t9ab7een 3ly, 9a7? Fee shay 9ayer…”

I forced out a nervous laugh. It sounded more like a shriek though.

“May5alef...if that’s what it takes 3shan asma3 9otich, then so be it...what’s up?”

His voice didn’t even seem the least bit upset. If only I could go back to being overly cheerful to having found this guy again. Why did things have to change? Where have all those feelings gone? I miss the days when I couldn’t wait to hear his voice and was overjoyed when he called me 7beebty.

“Hayoo, are you still there?”

“Huh? ee ee 7beeby kani”

“Hayoo sh9ayer? Laish mo 3la ba3thich? You're freaking me out!!”

“7beeby 3ndy safra London bacher for work”

“How long?”

“10 days”

“Great! Ana ma 3ndy shay this week”

Laa laaa laaa 7addk fahem '3ala6…

That shreiky nervous laugh again.

“3abboud...erm, you see the thing is...”

Awkward silence.

“…erm...it’s just that...”

“Hayooo, ma tabeeny ayee weyach?”

Awkward silence.

“7beebty, just tell me tra its okay...I’ll understand”

“Really?”

He sounded heartbroken, but he was trying to hide it. He would’ve been doing a pretty good job do if I didn’t know him as well as I did.

“Ee ee 7beebty I understand ena you need to keep a portion of your life 7aggich entay, mo kil shay you do with me. Etha btro7een bro7ich then 3la ra7tich 7beebty, oo etha tabeeny weyach ahed eldenya kilha 7aggich. I’m not going to pressure you to do anything”

I smiled. I knew 3abboud was one of a kind. I loved him, but why I coudnt be in love with him was beyond me.

“9ij 3abboud? Ya3ny you really don’t mind?”

“Yes 7beebty...may9eer kil shay we do it together...or else ra7 tmleen menny 9a7?”

I melted a little inside. This guy was as perfect as a guy will ever get.

If only I didn’t have to lie about what I was going to say next.

“Ana 3mry ma amel mennak 3abboud”

“Raja2an! Esmy 3abboudich, mo bas ay 3abboud!!”

I giggled.

“Where would I be without you?”

“Probably happily eating the food I steal from you whenever we go out to eat...which reminds me, you wanna go out for lunch elyom?”

“Atwa8a3 ma agdar cz I’ll be busy arranging everything”

He fell silent for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry sweetie”

“Laa shda3wa I know you’re busy...zain btro7een mkan wla ga3da bl shareka all day?”

“La ma atwa8a3 ena I’ll leave”

“Zain 3ady amrch lma a5ale9 dawam ag3ad m3 7beebty shway gabl la tsafer?”

Mabyyyyyyyy is what I thought.

“Ee sure, just let me know lman t5ale9” is what I said.

“Ok 3yal I’ll see you later then...a7bch Hayooya”

“Me too 7beeby…yala ciao”

I hung up feeling a million different feelings at once. I was happy and sad. I was relaxed and angry. I was satisfied and wanting more. They were the same feelings I’ve been feeling around 3abboud lately after all the rush of us being together went away. He was the ultra-sweet guy in my life that I felt nothing more for. I just didn’t have the nerve to tell him that to his face.

Or maybe it was because I just lacked the justification for myself. After all, what more did I want? What more could I possibly ask for?


I spent my working day as usual, but with more coordination with Rana, who wasn’t exactly very pleasant with me. Especially after she heard M7ammad’s voice in my office in the afternoon when she called to inform me that everything has been taken care of.

I, ofcourse, put in a little extra effort to be extra feminine when I was addressing him when she was on the phone with me. I don’t know why, but it gave me pleasure to annoy her after the way she treated me infront of him in the morning.

When M7ammad came over, we looked over the course’s schedule and allocated tasks to each member. By the time everything got sorted, we were exhausted and drained, and it was nearly 6pm. I was half-lying in my chair and M7ammad was sitting on top of my desk.

“Ana bamoot mn elyoo3…entay makla shay?”

“Laa wallah mn el9b7 oo ana 3la halga3da…just gulping down mugs and mugs of coffee”

“You wanna order something till we wrap everything up?”

“Ee sure, what do you have in mind?”

There was a knock on the door of my office. I wondered who would be visiting me now, after-hours. I asked the person to come in.

It was 3abdallah. He had a bag from Paul in one hand and a bouquet of my favorite blue lilies in the other.

I sat up straight instantly. M7ammad got off my desk. It was a strange reaction and I don’t know why either of us did it.

“Sorry Hayoo ma kint adree ena lel7een you’re working”

“Laa laa we’re not working…t3al 7beeby…you remember M7ammad from our employees camp a few months ago, right?”

“Who doesn’t remember M7ammad? Shlonk Bu Jassem?”. He put everything on the coffee table and they shook hands.

“Halla wallah…shlonk Bu Najem?”

“Kint zain lain Haya galatly enkom bta5thoonha menny”

I blushed. M7ammad laughed.

“Yuba ay na5eth’ha menk…she’s just going shopping la t9adegha wayed”

“You guys are mean!”

“Yala 5al amshy ana bamoot mn elta3ab” M7ammad said as he proceeded to pack his laptop.

“Laish ma takel weyana Bu Jassem?”

“Mo yo3an wallah…oo I have things to do…bl3afya 3laikom”

“Allah e3afeek”

“Oo Haya, la tensain bacher you have to be in the airport at 7am”

“That’s not going to be a problem for me M7ammad, but it may be for you” I teased.

He said goodbye and left, leaving me behind with 3abdallah.


“What’s all this?”

“I figured if you can’t come to lunch, lunch will come to you” he said as he kissed my head.

“7beeby that’s so sweet!”

“Ba3ad shasawy? Magdar akel bedoon Haya”

We had lunch together, and we talked about nothing in particular. Before I knew it, it was 10pm and I had to head home to start packing and sleep. I was really enjoying his company and I didn’t want to leave until he started talking about how much he’ll miss me and how much he loves me. That’s when I started feeling uncomfortable and I felt like I needed to get out of there sooner before later.

I hated the way I was feeling towards 3abdallah. I loved him one moment, and hated him the next. I wanted him with me one moment and avoided him the next. I yearned for him one moment, and was repelled by the thought of my brother the next.

It was a rollercoaster ride, and it was eating me up from the inside day after day. But the most overwhelming feeling was not being able to fall head over heels for this guy, despite everything he is.


Before I went to sleep, I got my usual goodnight message from him.

Good night ya a7la Haya bldenya ;**

Just like every other day, it sent me off to sleep feeling a mountain of guilt about not being able to feel the same way towards him.


But today, it was guilt with a sprinkle of optimism. I had high hopes that my trip to London and my time away from 3abdallah would change the way I’m feeling towards him right now.


Little did I know, that would be the least of my worries 10 days later.